


i knew you'd hurt all of my what-ifs

by AnotherUsernameIllForget



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: 10 years later AU, F/F, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Slow Burn, and by slow burn i mean slooooooowww buuuuurn, and now they're back and better than ever, and the break up was messy, but also feeling a lot of stuff, its angsty guys im sorry, they broke up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherUsernameIllForget/pseuds/AnotherUsernameIllForget
Summary: She climbed into her truck and rested her head on the steering wheel, realising that her hands were shaking. Balling her fists in an attempt to stop the movement, she let out a sigh. God, why was she still such a mess whenever she saw Alyssa. She had thought that after all these years it would’ve been easier, that it would hurt less, that staying away was the right thing to do.Now, she wasn’t so sure.Straightening her glasses and, putting her truck in gear. she pulled out of the school parking lot, trying to think of literally anything other than those brown eyes and dark curls.orEmma is invited back to James Madison 10 years after her prom, not expecting to run into a certain ex-girlfriend. Feelings ensue on both sides and secrets are revealed, and truthfully, it gets kinda messy.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 25
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!! This is lit my first fic ever so I have no idea what I'm doing. But anyways, I've had this idea in my head for a while now and how better to spend quarantine than by taking up a new hobby? 
> 
> No TWs for the moment (and there shouldn't be throughout) but if you guys spot anything that you want me to put on the list, let me know!
> 
> Pls enjoy these two being idiots as usual. I hope to be updating pretty regularly, and chapter 2 is already basically written, so shouldn't be too long to wait for that one! Also each chapter is basically gonna be a new day, so take chapter 1 as day 1 and so on etc etc.
> 
> (also creds to Tswift for the title lol)

Emma took a deep breath and stared at the entrance of James Madison High School. She ran a hand through her hair, willing herself to get out of her truck and walk through the doors that she had walked through so many times before. Still, it had been 10 years since she’d been there, so she had every right to be a little nervous. At least that’s what she was telling herself.

When she first heard about the 10 year anniversary of James Madison’s first ‘inclusive prom’ she didn’t know how to feel. Somehow it felt like it had been more than 10 years, and yet she could still remember every detail of that night- the decorations in the gym, the Broadway Gang unable to contain their excitement, finally dancing with-. Well anyway, finally getting to be herself in front of all of her peers without waiting to hear a slur or feel her head being slammed into a locker. 

She guessed it made sense for her to be invited back as the ‘guest of honour’. She had been the catalyst that started the whole thing and while she still regretted how it had happened, what with the first prom being cancelled and all the media coverage, she was glad that 10 years later kids like her had a prom they could go to and be themselves. 

She nearly accepted the invitation on the spot, excited by the prospect of seeing a whole new generation of kids discovering themselves and having fun. Hey, maybe she would even be able to convince Barry or Angie to come along. That was, until, the prospect of who else might be invited pushed its way into her brain. 

Of course, it made sense for her to be invited too seeing as, as Emma’s date to the prom, they had been the poster girls for inclusivity in Indiana. But it had been 6 years and Emma really wasn’t sure if she was ready to see her again. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready. Not after what happened.

And she was very sure that Alyssa Greene would never, ever want to see her again. 

But with a few calls to her grandma, who assured her that she had been assured by Mrs Greene that Alyssa had work commitments and would not be attending, Emma had reluctantly accepted the invitation. Sure, she knew that it would probably stir up memories that she’d rather not have, but at least she’d be helping people and she hoped that would be enough to take her mind off the one person who wouldn’t be there. Someone who had pushed their way back into her thoughts after 6 long years of trying to forget. 

Shaking her head to wake herself from her daydream, she straightened her glasses and finally opened the door of her truck, mustering up the confidence to walk with purpose towards the doors and into the school. 

She was met by Ms Alvarez, the new principal. Well, she was new by Emma’s standards, despite having been principal for 4 years, and it felt strange to stand in her office and not see Principal Hawkins behind the desk. 

‘Emma, It’s so good to see you!’, Ms Alvarez said, breaking Emma out of her memories. She vaguely knew Ms Alvarez as a geography teacher when she had attended James Madison, but it was clear the woman had moved up in the world. 

‘Well, I can’t say it’s completely good to be back, but it is nice to see the place again’ Emma replied, trying not to think of the relentless bullying she suffered in the very halls that she and the principal were walking down. 

Ms Alvarez gave her a quick tour, noting the new science labs and theatre, that was still going from strength to strength thanks to long term drama teacher Trent Oliver. 

‘Is Trent around?’ Emma asked, eager to catch up with the one member of the broadway gang that she didn’t get to see as often. 

‘Oh, he’s actually out on a theatre trip at the moment, but he’s part of the prom planning committee, so I’m sure you’ll see him sooner rather than later’ Ms Alvarez replied brightly.

The rest of the school seemed largely unchanged, and Emma couldn’t help but feel her breath catch as they made their way down the music corridor. She felt her heart rate quicken as Ms Alvarez led her further down the corridor, keen to show off something that they’d recently added, apparently. 

Emma almost laughed when they stopped right in front of the band closet. Surely this was a joke. Ms Alvarez surely wasn’t going to open the door of the band closet to reveal some museum dedicated to Emma and Alyssa was she? Did anyone even know that it used to be their hookup spot? Oh god, why did she feel like she was about to get in trouble for something that she did 10 years ago? 

Her rising panic quickly subsided when Ms Alvarez pointed to something on the wall opposite the band closet. Emma saw that it was a framed picture, but had to move closer to see who it was of. To her surprise, she saw her face looking back at her, her guitar balanced on her knee carefully and a look of pure fear in her eyes. Someone must have taken it at the thanksgiving assembly all those years ago, the one where Emma made a complete fool of herself in front of everyone in the school. Well, everyone apart from one person. 

Refusing to think about Alyssa, Emma turned her attention to the plaque that sat next to the picture. 

_‘Emma Nolan_

_Co-founder of James Madison’s first inclusive prom. Found success with her song ‘Unruly Heart’ which gained millions of views on YouTube, expressing how she felt after she was excluded by her peers for being gay. Emma is now an up and coming songwriter and producer living in New York.’_

As she finished reading, Emma stifled a dry laugh. It was interesting how the school had conveniently decided to omit the fact that she actually wrote the song after the PTA sanctioned a fake prom just for her, which ended with lawyers and bad press and lots of frantic jazz hands from Barry. 

‘We thought we’d start a little hall of fame for the school’ said Ms Alvarez, ‘and who better to be our first addition than you Emma! We even put it in the music corridor as we knew this was somewhere you spent a lot time when you were at the school.’ 

‘You have no idea’ thought Emma, glancing slyly back at the band closet before turning back to Ms Alvarez who, apparently finished showing off the ‘hall of fame’, had moved on to discussing the anniversary prom. 

‘Now, I know you can’t make the meeting later today-‘ 

‘Yeah, sorry work stuff’ Emma cut in before the principal could continue. 

‘Yes, but not to worry, we’ll make sure to keep you in the loop. Although you’re not planning the prom per se, we’d still definitely like your input. Mrs Greene in particular was very keen on that’ 

Mrs Greene? Surely that woman couldn’t still be on the PTA? Sure, she’d warmed to Emma over the years, but Emma was unsure about how much Alyssa had told her about what had happened between them. And, having faced the wrath of Mrs Greene 10 years ago, she didn’t much fancy facing it again. She would have to try and avoid the woman as much as possible over the next week. 

~

As the tour concluded, with Ms Alvarez chatting to Emma about anything and everything about the school, from football results to the latest exhibition by the art students, they found themselves back at the entrance. 

‘Well, I’ll let you get off to your work, I’ve got a meeting to get to!’ Said Ms Alvarez with a smile, ‘Thank you so much for coming back to help us out! I’ll see you tomorrow for your speech, your gran said you were looking forward to it!’ 

Before Emma could even begin to process the word ‘speech’ Ms Alvarez was striding off purposefully down the corridor. Emma made a mental note to interrogate her grandma fully when she got back to her house. She most certainly was not ‘looking forward’ to this speech which, until that very moment, she had known nothing about.

Shaking her head, she made her way down the corridor towards the front door. As she neared the doors a woman in a blazer bustled inside and Emma’s heart leapt into her throat. She locked eyes with Mrs Greene and tried a polite smile, which quickly died when she noticed the look of panic on the other woman’s face.

‘E-Emma, hello’ the other woman stuttered, obviously not expecting to see Emma there at that very moment. 

‘Um, hi Mrs Greene’ Emma offered weakly, still puzzled by the look of panic that was still plastered on the woman’s face.

‘Please Emma, you know Veronica is fine’ Mrs Greene started, as she seemed to regain her senses and moved to carry on down the corridor, ‘I’ve got to get to this meeting, but we must catch up soon’ she said almost warily. 

‘Uh, yeah sure’ Emma said, turning to watch as the woman strode down the corridor in the same direction as Ms Alvarez. 

Emma didn’t know what to make of the interaction. So much for avoiding Mrs Greene as much as possible. She had expected, when they inevitably did meet, anger or maybe even disappointment. But panic? Emma began to wonder what exactly Alyssa had told her. She hoped it was nothing too bad. God, she hoped she didn’t try and talk to her about it.

Emma was so wrapped up in her thoughts of Mrs Greene that she didn’t notice the woman reaching for the door handle just as she walked out of the door. Instead she walked straight into her, a loud ‘Oof’ drawing her back to her senses.

Her hands instinctively went out to grab the woman’s arms in an attempt to steady her, as the woman stumbled backwards at the force of Emma barrelling out of the door and into her. 

‘Oh god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t-‘ the words died on Emma’s lips as she slowly moved her gaze up from where her hands rested on the woman’s light summer jacket. As she looked higher she was met with dark curls and even darker brown eyes. Eyes that, even after 6 years she would know anywhere. Eyes that she hadn’t been able to get out of her head since the invitation back to James Madison. Eyes that were now looking into hers with the same shock and confusion that Emma was sure was mirrored on her own face. 

‘A-Alyssa?’ Emma stuttered, her rush to get something, anything out of her mouth turning the word into a question. ‘I..uh- you..um- I thought...’ Emma floundered, Alyssa’s eyes seeming to bore into her the longer she struggled to find the words.

‘You have a work commitment’ she eventually blurted out, mentally cursing herself that these were the first words she had chosen to say to Alyssa after 6 years. 

She watched as Alyssa’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, her mouth opening and closing as if it a loss as to what to say to Emma’s strange outburst.

‘Uh what I meant was,’ continued Emma, trying to regain some of her sanity and salvage what was quickly turning into one of the most awkward moments of her life, ‘your mom said you wouldn’t be coming because you had a work commitment- so I uh wasn’t expecting to see you here- which isn’t to say it’s not nice to see you here it’s just-‘ 

‘Um yeah, it got cancelled so-‘ Alyssa cut in, sparing Emma from embarrassing herself further with her rambling.

It was at this moment that Emma realised she was still clutching Alyssa’s upper arms, her eyes dropping down to where her hands sat gently on the other woman’s jacket, before pulling them away as if she’d just been burned. She dropped them to her side, opting instead to fiddle with the bottom of her own jacket nervously.

‘Sorry I-‘ Emma cut herself off again, watching as something flickered in Alyssa’s eyes that she couldn’t quite place. It was, as though, after all those years apart, Emma had forgotten how to read the woman in front of her. Or maybe, whatever connection they’d had in the past had been lost. 

In front of her it seemed like Alyssa had managed to get over her initial shock at seeing Emma again, smoothing her jacket and pursing her lips in a way that was a bit too much like Mrs Greene for Emma’s liking. 

‘Well, it’s good to see you again Emma’ she said almost robotically, her eyes staring straight behind Emma like she was reading from some hidden script, ‘but I should probably get inside for the meeting’.

Emma’s heart sank at the complete lack of emotion in Alyssa’s voice, and she suddenly felt self conscious standing in front of the school awkwardly, being spoken to as though she was some work acquaintance that Alyssa had met on the street. A work acquaintance that Alyssa was keen to get away from but was trying to do so as politely as possible. 

She paused before replying, searching Alyssa’s face for any sign of the woman she once knew, the woman that she had loved. But, aside from the flicker she had seen earlier in Alyssa’s eyes, she found nothing. Maybe Alyssa had left that version of herself in their apartment in New York that night as she walked out the door, bags packed, not even looking back to say goodbye. 

‘Uh yeah sure’ Emma eventually replied, ‘I uh can’t make it today but I’m sure I’ll see you around’ 

At the brief confusion in Alyssa’s eyes she shot back, ‘Work commitments’ accompanying it with a smirk and finger guns in the hopes of drawing a smile out of the woman in front of her. 

Emma felt her heart grow heavy as Alyssa barely even reacted to what she’d said, giving a curt nod before turning as if to head into the school. Maybe the finger guns had been too much? 

‘I’ll see you around Emma’ she responded plainly before gripping the handle of the door and stepping inside the building, leaving Emma standing there alone, goosebumps racing up her arms as soon as her name had left Alyssa’s lips. 

She climbed into her truck and rested her head on the steering wheel, realising that her hands were shaking. Balling her fists in an attempt to stop the movement, she let out a sigh. God, why was she still such a mess whenever she saw Alyssa. She had thought that after all these years it would’ve been easier, that it would hurt less, that staying away was the right thing to do.

Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

Straightening her glasses and, putting her truck in gear. she pulled out of the school parking lot, trying to think of literally anything other than those brown eyes and dark curls. 

* * *

Alyssa cursed under her breath as she made her way into the school. She was so stupid. Of course Emma would be here. Why had she not thought of that when her meetings had been cancelled and she’d made the last minute decision to fly home to Indiana. She wondered, maybe, if there was some sadistic part of her that had been well aware that Emma would be here, willing her to bump into her just once to see if it hurt as much as it did 6 years ago. 

Well, newsflash, it did. 

She shivered, despite the warm air in the corridor, feeling the ghost of Emma’s hands gripping her upper arms. She tried to forget the look that had been in Emma’s eyes as she had ripped her hands away, and the way she had felt at the sudden loss of contact. She felt bad for giving Emma the cold shoulder, but she knew that it would be better for both of them that way. Yes, okay she was inevitably going to have to see Emma again over the next week, but that didn’t mean she had to be anything more than polite to her.

She was usually very good at compartmentalising her emotions, but something about seeing Emma again so unexpectedly had disarmed her. She wouldn’t let that happen again, she couldn’t. 

And yet, the flicker of hope she had seen in Emma’s eyes when they’d first come face to face caused a pang of something in her own chest. A longing at how familiar it felt with Emma so close, her name falling effortlessly from the other woman’s lips. 

No, she couldn’t start thinking like that. She couldn’t go through this again, not after what happened. However much it hurt to see Emma again, it would never hurt as much as the day she packed her bags and left Emma standing bewildered in their apartment. It would never hurt as much as the weeks and months afterwards that she spent crying herself to sleep, wanting more than anything to be in Emma’s arms. She never wanted to feel hurt like that again. And so, she knew she couldn’t risk it, she couldn’t risk going anywhere near Emma if she could help it. Because she knew that the walls that she had taken 6 years to build could so easily be broken by one look into those hazel eyes. 

~

She found the room for the meeting just as it began, sliding quietly into a chair next to her mom and surveying the other people in the room. 

There was Ms Alvarez, the new principal standing at the front and a few other teachers that Alyssa recognised from her time at the school sitting to the side. There were also a few students, presumably either from the student council or the prom committee who were sat dotted around the room. 

Alyssa’s attention was caught by an arm that was being waved madly in her direction, which she saw belonged to Trent. She gave him a smile and a small wave back, making a mental note to go and talk to him after the meeting was done. 

Her mother fidgeted beside her, suddenly turning to Alyssa, her voice a whisper so as not to disturb the meeting. 

‘Alyssa darling, I don’t know how to tell you this but well, I’ve just seen-‘ 

‘Emma? Alyssa interjected, being met with a sheepish look from her mom, ‘I know, I’ve just run into her too.’ 

‘Oh Alyssa, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to tell you before we came over here. I was just so excited that you’d decided to come and it was all so last minute and-‘ 

‘Mom, it’s fine. I’m sure we can be civil’ 

‘I know darling but, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you sooner. How was it seeing her again?’ 

Alyssa sighed- as much as it made her happy that her mom had not only come around to the idea of her being gay, but also now tried to be more open towards Alyssa and her feelings, she really did not need to unpack this right here, right now in the middle of a meeting about a high school prom. 

‘Can we talk about this later?’ Alyssa said, turning her focus back to the front of the room where one of the students was currently presenting ideas for decorations, noticing her mom giving her a slight nod out of the corner of her eye. 

The meeting dragged on and she found herself becoming bored of the endless budgets and music choices, remembering her own boredom at being on the prom committee 10 years ago. She tuned back in as Ms Alvarez got to the final item on the agenda; advertising the prom. Just like the first inclusive prom, the school was keen to invite students from all over Indiana to James Madison so that those who felt like they couldn’t attend prom as themselves had a safe space to do so. 

She caught her mother looking at her apprehensively as Ms Alvarez began speaking about the poster design they had chosen. She shot back a questioning look, which was met by yet another sheepish smile from Mrs Greene. 

Before she could open her mouth and ask what was going on, her attention was drawn back to the front by a drumroll on the desk, predictably started by Trent, in anticipation for the poster design reveal. She couldn’t say she was that bothered but she still turned back to the screen as Ms Alvarez clicked onto the next slide to reveal the poster. 

And suddenly, Alyssa forgot how to breathe. 

There, on the screen next to the words JAMES MADISON HIGH’S 10TH ANNUAL INCLUSIVE PROM was her and Emma. Her and Emma dancing together at prom. An image that Alyssa would never be able to forget. 

Her arms were round Emma’s neck, with Emma’s hands resting lightly on her waist, her mouth slightly open and a smile on her face as she laughed at whatever dumb joke Emma had just told. But it wasn’t their proximity, or how happy they looked, or how Alyssa could remember this moment like it was yesterday, that caused her chest to ache. 

It was the way they were looking at each other, the love in her eyes reflected back at her from behind Emma’s glasses. And suddenly, Alyssa knew that no one had ever looked at her in the same way over the past 6 years; with such reverence and care and unwavering love. No one had ever looked at her the way Emma Nolan had.

She felt sick.

As if on cue, all the eyes in the room turned to look at her, as if they were expecting her to say something or do something. But she didn’t know what to say or do. She was frozen, staring at an image of herself from 10 years ago that was somehow causing a familiar feeling to carve its way into her heart, a feeling that she had tried for so long to ignore. 

‘Sorry, I just need-‘ she said hurriedly, standing up suddenly and making a break for the door, feeling everyone watching her as she left, slamming the door shut behind her. 

She stumbled down the halls of the school, heart hammering in her chest as she tried to sift through all of the thoughts that were currently bombarding her mind. She couldn’t let herself feel like that again, she just couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. How had she been so disarmed by a picture that she had seen thousands of times before? 

She knew, deep down, it was because it was only one of a handful of pictures of her and Emma that she had seen over the past 6 years. That she had let herself see in order to bury the hurt, bury whatever feelings she had felt about Emma.

Her feet somehow led her to the music corridor and she shook her head as soon as she realised her surroundings. Of course she would come here, one of the only places she’d ever truly felt safe in this school. One of the only places she could be herself. 

She found herself at the door to the band closet door, trying the handle before she even knew what she was doing. It was locked. She turned and instead put her back against it, sliding down to the floor in an attempt to control her rapid breathing. 

Her heart constricted again as she glanced across the corridor, catching sight of a framed photo of Emma on the wall, complete with a ‘wall of fame’ plaque. She shouldn’t have come back. This was a mistake. She was everywhere. Why had she thought that coming back would help when everything she did and everywhere she went reminded her of Emma. 

She stared into the hazel eyes watching her from the frame across the corridor, trying to find some comfort in them to slow her heart rate and her breathing. She tried to feel nothing. 

Shaking her head, she felt her heart rate quicken again and she sank further to the floor, burying her face in her hands before the inevitable tears could come. 

* * *

Emma smiled fondly as she stood in the doorway watching Betsy bustle round the kitchen. 

‘Your meeting finished, is it?’ Said Betsy without turning round, as though she had sensed Emma hovering in the doorway. 

‘Yeah, we just needed to fine tune some lyrics, but it should be all ready to go by the time I’m back in New York’ 

‘I wish you could stay longer’ 

‘I know gran’ Emma replied with a sad smile, ‘but it’s nice to be back, even if it is for a short while’ 

‘Did you see Veronica Greene at the school today? She was asking after you the other day’ Betsy asked as she bent to take a freshly baked pie out of the oven.

If she was honest, Emma still couldn’t really get her head round her grandmother and Mrs Greene’s friendship, but she was glad that there was someone else in Edgewater to look out for her grandma when she wasn’t around. And, if what Alyssa used to tell her of her visits home was true, she suspected that Betsy had helped Mrs Greene a lot more than she got credit for, when it came to coming to terms with who Alyssa was. 

‘I did briefly’ Emma replied, steeling herself for what she was about to say next, already dreading the questions her gran would have. ‘And um, Alyssa too actually’ 

Betsy’s hands stilled on the chopping board she was using as she turned slowly to face Emma. 

‘Alyssa as in...’ she ventured, looking at Emma with worry in her eyes. 

‘Yes’ replied Emma shortly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under her grandmother’s gaze. 

‘And how was that for you?’ Asked Betsy, taking a step towards Emma and placing a comforting hand on her arm. 

‘Um, yeah, it was okay I guess’. Emma knew she wasn’t convincing anyone, but she couldn’t bear to talk about how she actually feeling. Not yet. Not with the cold look in Alyssa’s eyes still swimming round her brain. 

Sensing this, Betsy took a step back, a kind look in her eyes as her gaze lingered on Emma. ‘Okay, that’s good. I hope I can get a chance to see her before she heads off’ 

Emma nodded noncommittally, trying not to care that Betsy was implying that she would like to invite Alyssa over at some point. Trying to not to care that Alyssa Greene might once more be in her grandmother’s house after all these years. 

‘And Emma’ her gran continued softly, ‘if you ever want to talk about it...’ she said trailing off.

‘I know, thank you’ Emma replied, genuinely grateful for her grandmother’s support. 

‘Now, will you make yourself useful and finish chopping these carrots while I finish up with this pie’ 

‘Not until you tell me more about this speech that I’m supposed to be looking forward to giving tomorrow’ Emma countered, a glint of a challenge in her eye.

‘Oh, that’ Betsy managed to reply before the pair burst into a fit of laughter, the tension that had been hanging over them long forgotten.

* * *

Alyssa flopped onto her bed, exhausted from the events of the day. She’d managed to make it back her mom’s car before Mrs Greene emerged from the school, and if the older woman saw the fresh tear tracks on her cheeks, she didn’t say anything. She was grateful at least that her mother was finally learning when to leave something alone. 

She huffed out a sigh as her eyes surveyed the room. It looked basically the same as it had for 20 years now, but while Alyssa usually found this sense of nostalgia comforting, today it was making her feel sick. 

She took out her phone intending to distract herself from all of the feelings that had been swirling inside of her all afternoon. However, it wasn’t long before she found herself staring at her own instagram profile. She steeled herself as she opened her archived posts, being met first by pictures of herself and Anna taken before they had broken up last year. She hated to torture herself like this, but she had to know. 

She was still feeling unsettled after her revelation at seeing the prom poster earlier. On the way home she convinced herself that it couldn’t be true, of course it hadn’t been different with Emma. Of course, she had felt that way about other people. She had loved other people and they had loved her. So of course she had been wrong. She had to be.

But as she scrolled through the pictures of her and Anna, followed by her and Jess and then her and Maria, she felt a familiar ache blooming in her chest. Sure, she looked content in every picture, and sure each of her ex-girlfriends were always staring at her with love in their eyes. But she couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. None of these were the same as the picture she had seen earlier.

And that scared her. 

Before she could catch herself she had scrolled past the last pictures of her and Maria and found herself staring at a whole screen full of pictures of her and Emma. Pictures of her and Emma at their college graduations, pictures of her and Emma from the time they took a road trip to the coast, pictures of her and Emma at various after-parties that they always got invited to by the broadway gang. Pictures that she hadn’t seen in 6 years, pictures that she hadn’t let herself look at. Until now. 

And as she scrolled further she felt her stomach drop and the ache in her chest grow stronger. She looked so happy. A different kind of happy to the happy that she was in the pictures with other people. And in every picture, without fail, Emma was looking at her in the same way. As if Alyssa was the only person in the room.

But how could Emma look at her like that when she-. Alyssa screwed up her eyes, not allowing herself to finish the sentence.

She flung her phone to the other end of the bed, feeling hot tears spilling down her cheeks before she could stop them. Without thinking she wrapped her hand around the back of her headboard, feeling blindly until she found what she was looking for. 

Her fingers traced the rough heart shape that had been carved into the back of the wood. She took a deep breath as her fingers carried on their path, feeling the worn outline of an E and then an A which had been carved inside the heart. 

It was a nervous habit, and something that Emma had come up with all those years ago, carving the heart into the headboard on one of her rare trips to the Greene household, while Mrs Greene had been out of town on a work trip. It was meant to help her calm down whenever the world felt a bit much. She always found comfort in the way the E felt beneath her fingers, the soft edges smoothed by years of tracing, her arm wound round the back of the headboard into a place that her mom would never be able to find. 

She felt her tears stop and the ache in her chest let up as she gently traced the wood, the same pattern over and over. She closed her eyes, her phone long forgotten on the end of her bed and let the slow movements soothe her. 

~

When Mrs Greene came into the room later to check on her daughter, she found Alyssa asleep fully clothed, her arm flung behind her bed in a way that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. 

She smiled to herself as she gently removed Alyssa’s shoes, setting the woman’s phone on her bedside table from where it had been left at the foot of the bed. As she turned round to close the door and turn out the light Mrs Greene chuckled, remembering Alyssa sleeping in exactly the same way when she was in high school. She shut the door with a gentle click as Alyssa sighed in her sleep and rolled over, her arm remaining above her head, her fingers still unconsciously tracing the carved wood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! All constructive criticism is welcomed in the comments (or anything else you might wanna say)
> 
> I do have a pretty defunct tumblr if you wanna come and talk to me on there- hmu at the-dyad-group  
> ((bonus points for whoever can guess what type of blog i used to be))
> 
> See y'all for chapter 2 soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emma gives a speech, Alyssa has car troubles, and what happened 6 years ago is revealed. Also Applebee's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here comes chapter 2, as promised! Thank you for all the comments and kudos so far, I hope you enjoy this one- I promise you things will get happier soon...maybe.
> 
> CW for some bad language but that's all!

Emma’s hands shook as she shuffled her note cards. Sure, the whole speech thing had been funny when her and her gran were laughing about it in the kitchen, but it had very quickly become a very real thing that she actually had to do.

And Emma hated public speaking. 

With the help of Betsy, she had come up with something that she was quite proud of, and something that she hoped wouldn’t be too boring for the kids. Even so, she was still more nervous than she had been in a long time, pacing back and forth in the corridor outside the gym. 

As she looked back down at her cards, the tremor of her hands caused a few to fly from her grasp, landing at the feet of someone standing a few metres away from her.

Emma almost groaned out loud when she noticed who it was. Was the universe really going to keep pushing them into these cliché, romantic comedy meet-cute scenarios? Had the universe not been notified that that ship had sailed a long time ago? 

She watched as Alyssa bent down and gathered the fallen cards before straightening up and taking a step towards Emma. 

‘I think you dropped these’ Alyssa said, sticking her hand out towards Emma as she studiously avoided her gaze. 

‘Uh, thanks’ Emma managed, her voice now shaking along with her hands. As she reached out to grab the cards she felt her fingertips brush slightly over Alyssa’s, the contact causing her heart to swoop and her head to spin. 

She looked up to see the same look in Alyssa’s eyes that she had seen flickering there the day before, the one she couldn’t quite place.

Before she had time to dwell on it, it was gone again and the two women were left standing in silence. 

‘Do you maybe want to-‘ 

‘Are you feeling-‘

The pair both spoke at the same time, Emma noticing a faint blush colouring Alyssa’s cheeks. 

‘Sorry, you go’ She said with a nervous laugh, gesturing for Alyssa to continue with what she was saying. 

‘I was just going to ask if you were nervous’ she answered, glancing down at Emma’s shaking hands as she quickly stuffed them into her pockets. ‘But I guess that’s kind of a stupid question.’ 

Emma nodded slowly, biting her lip. Alyssa looked like she was torn between standing her ground and trying to comfort Emma in some way. Emma watched as the battle waged behind her eyes, her hands twitching almost imperceptibly as though she wanted to reach out and grab hers. 

For a moment, Emma really thought that she would, a spark of hope igniting in her chest. But just as soon as the moment had started, Alyssa’s face suddenly shut down and Emma was once again left staring into eyes that didn’t seem to quite want to focus on her. 

An awkward silence once again blanketed them, so Emma ventured, ‘um, I was gonna ask if you wanted to grab a coffee at some point? Just to catch up and stuff?’ 

She didn’t know why she’d asked it, or where the notion had even come from, but the longer it took Alyssa to answer, the bigger the dread grew in the pit of her stomach. 

Alyssa’s eyes roamed the hallway around them, as if she was trying to take inspiration from her surroundings as to what excuse she could use to decline Emma’s offer.

There was no doubt that she would decline it, Emma had been sure of that from the moment the words had left her mouth.

‘I appreciate the offer’ Alyssa started carefully. 

‘But?’ Said Emma, a sad smile on her face. 

‘But, I think it’s best for the both of us if we just try and stay away from each other as much as possible’ Alyssa replied with a flicker of her own sad smile. ‘Well, I think that’s what would be best for me.’ 

Emma knew that her disappointment was written all over her face, but she didn’t care. She’d tried, and what more could she do?

It was becoming increasingly clear that the Alyssa in front of her was not the one she had known, and although it broke her heart, she knew that maybe, finally, it was time to let her go. 

‘Okay, I understand’ she said eventually, because she did. She understood exactly how Alyssa was feeling because she herself was feeling exactly the same way. Alyssa was right- staying away was the best option. 

She began to walk towards the doors of the gym as the start of her speech drew nearer. But before she could get much further Alyssa suddenly caught her hand, stopping her in her tracks. 

‘Wait I-‘ Alyssa started, a soft look in her eyes that flooded Emma’s chest with heat. A glimmer of the Alyssa she used to know, a glimmer of hope that she was still in there. ‘I just wanted to say good luck. And-and thank you. For understanding.’

Emma stood mesmerised for a second by the woman in front of her, basking in a gaze that had suddenly opened up, the walls behind it crumbling. She felt a tingling in the hand that Alyssa was still holding and gave her a soft smile in return.

‘Thank you.’ She said before turning on her heel and walking into the gym, not wanting to stick around to see Alyssa’s walls being rebuilt and the hard look returning to her eyes. 

As she took her place at the front of the gym next to Ms Alvarez, she surveyed the students and various teachers and local reporters who were filling the space. Her hands began to shake again as she realised the sheer amount of people sitting in front of her, and she found her eyes scanning the crowd for Alyssa without even meaning to. 

When she eventually found her, sitting in the third row, the other woman was already staring directly at her, so lost in thought that Emma could practically see the cogs turning in her brain. The wall was back up and her face was passive, no hint of the softness from earlier. But still, as Emma caught her gaze Alyssa gave her the briefest of nods of encouragement, and Emma felt the shaking of her hands beginning to subside. 

~

In the end, her speech went well. She only stumbled over a few of the words and all the kids seemed to be engaged with what she was saying.

And while she felt her face growing red and Alyssa’s eyes on her as she talked about her and her ‘girlfriend at the time’ attending prom, she managed to make it to the end without any mishaps. 

Ms Alvarez then opened the floor to the students to ask Emma any questions they might have.

The first few questions were standard, asking about her career and whether she still saw the broadway gang often.

The latter question was of course met by Trent standing up from his place at the back of the gym and announcing that he would answer the question, before breaking into a monologue from Hamlet. Everyone in the room seemed confused, but he received a polite round of applause when he had finished, and Emma was glad that the focus was off her for 5 minutes.

A girl in the 2nd row put her hand up and Emma called on her next. 

‘Are you and your girlfriend still together?’

The question was met with a murmur from the audience, and Emma immediately began to feel her head spin and heat grow in her cheeks. 

She chanced a look at Alyssa, who was suddenly very interested in the floor of the gym, as she struggled to compose a sentence. 

‘Um no, unfortunately not’ she began carefully, ‘but I am still grateful for the times we had together. I know a lot of the focus right now is on me, but without A-, without her, none of this would have happened, and I probably wouldn’t be standing here now, 10 years later, talking about my prom. Without her bravery, maybe things still wouldn’t be great for LGBTQ kids in Indiana.’ 

The girl seemed satisfied with the answer, if not disappointed that Emma and her ‘girlfriend’ weren’t together anymore, and Emma felt herself relax as Ms Alvarez brought the event to a close. 

She looked into the audience again, searching for Alyssa to see whether her answer had made things better or worse. But when her eyes landed on her seat, Alyssa was nowhere to be seen. 

* * *

Running out of things prematurely seemed to have become Alyssa’s new favourite hobby. And one that she was not particularly enjoying. 

She didn’t even know why she’d left the talk, she had just been overcome by the sudden urge that she needed to get out as soon as Emma had even begun fielding the question about them.

Without thinking she had run out of the gym and jumped into her rental car, wanting to drive until her brain wasn’t thinking about Emma anymore. 

She didn’t understand it. How could Emma stand there and call her brave and give her any credit for anything when 10 minutes earlier she had been on the receiving end of Alyssa trying to completely shut her out. 

Of course, her heart had jumped at the invitation to coffee and, of course, she had wanted to accept, but she had to keep her distance. No matter how much the disappointed look on Emma’s face had threatened to bring tears to her eyes. 

Watching Emma give that speech, she had thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She wanted so badly to forgive and forget and run back into the woman’s arms, the past behind them and a new start fixing everything that had come before. 

But she knew it wasn’t that easy. Emma had betrayed her trust, betrayed her, and that was not something that she could forget any time soon.

Not if she wanted to keep her heart intact. 

She had barely registered where she had been driving, too wrapped up in her thoughts, but she was finally pulled out of them when she realised she’d just driven past Betsy’s house. 

She wondered if the older woman was in there, making a pie or however else she spent her days. For a second, she thought about turning round and going to see her, the woman who she had found so much comfort in when no one else could understand her. The woman who had kept her secrets more fiercely than anyone else in her life. 

She heard about Betsy from time to time through her mom, who had seemingly struck up a friendship with the older woman. She was always asking after Alyssa and she still sent her cards on her birthday.

She felt a pang of guilt at not visiting Betsy since her and Emma had broken up, but she had never wanted to run the risk of accidentally running into Emma while she was visiting. 

Besides, she didn’t know what Emma had told Betsy about the break up, and she was worried that maybe the older woman’s opinion of her would have changed, and she wouldn’t be very welcome in her house anymore. 

As she turned left down another street, her car started to shudder and slow, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

‘Please no, not now’ she muttered to herself, pulling the car off the road as it slowed to a halt. She tried the ignition a few times to no avail, before slamming her palm onto the steering wheel in frustration. 

Stepping out of the car and onto the side of the road, she pulled out her phone and dialled the rental company, and then her mom, letting her know the situation and asking when she would be able to pick her up. 

~

As Alyssa sat by the side of the road waiting for whoever came first, her mom or roadside assistance, a truck pulled up just behind her car. 

Bracing herself for some alpha male type guy, who would inevitably try and fix her car and then ask her out on a date even if he failed, she stood slowly from her place on the kerb.

Instead, she was met with Emma, jumping lightly out of the driver’s door. 

‘Hey’ Emma said, a shy smile on her face, ‘I’m not stalking you I promise, I was just passing and I saw you sat there on the side of the road and you looked like you needed some help.’

Alyssa just stared at her. How was it, that she was somehow seeing Emma more now that she was actively trying to avoid her, than she had when they had been actually dating. 

‘Uh so, do you need help?’ Emma pressed, an awkward laugh escaping her lips at Alyssa’s silence. 

‘Sorry, um I’m good. Well this dumb rental car broke down, but aside from that, I’m good’ Alyssa replied.

‘Oh, okay cool. Have you called someone or...’ Emma trailed off. 

Alyssa bit her tongue, stopping the snarky ‘yes, obviously’ that was trying to sneak out of her lips. Just because she was trying to avoid Emma, didn’t mean that she wanted to be outright rude to her, no matter how she felt. 

‘Yeah, I’ve called the rental company and they’re sending somebody out.’ 

‘Okay’ Emma replied, seemingly running through what she was going to say next in her head. ‘Do you- do you need a lift anywhere?’ She seemed to settle on asking. 

There was a beat before Alyssa found herself answering, ‘no, it’s alright. I’ve called my mom, she’ll come by and pick me up after work. But thank you’ she added quickly at the end. 

‘And when will that be?’ Asked Emma.

‘Um, she usually finishes up around 7.30.’ Alyssa replied sheepishly.

‘Jesus Alyssa, that’s in 2 hours.’ The shock was audible in Emma’s voice. ‘You can’t sit here by yourself for 2 hours.’

Alyssa opened her mouth to argue but Emma cut her off. 

‘Look, I-I know you said earlier that you wanted to stay away from each other, but I think this is special circumstances. I can’t just leave you sitting at the side of the road. I can drive you home or um’ she paused, fiddling with her glasses in a way that Alyssa knew was a nervous habit. ‘Or I was gonna head to the Applebee’s for some food but, uh, no pressure or anything.’ Emma finished, immediately looking down at her feet, blonde curls hiding her face. 

Alyssa’s head span. She should say no, she should definitely say no.

She should ask Emma to take her home and that was it. But somewhere, deep in her brain, a voice was telling her to go. She owed it to Emma- no, she owed it to herself to go. She would go and then they would never have to interact again. It was time to finally put this to bed for good. That was definitely the only reason she wanted to go.

God why did Emma have to be so nice.

‘Okay, sure.’ She found herself saying before she had any more time to think. 

And really, she would be lying if she said it wasn’t worth it to see the timid grin that spread across Emma’s face as soon as she’d finished speaking. 

‘Sure to the lift home or to the- the uh Applebee’s? 

‘Sure to the Applebee’s’ Alyssa replied, getting her words out quickly before her brain realised what a terrible idea it was. 

‘G-great!’ Stammered Emma, her eyes wide, and a cautious look on her face, as though she wasn’t sure she’d heard Alyssa right. ‘Jump in.’ 

She walked over to the passenger side of her truck and opened the door, gesturing for Alyssa to climb inside. 

Suddenly, she was transported back to being 17, an image of Emma opening the door of her truck for her and holding out her hand to help her in. A shy smile, a squeeze of the hand and a stolen kiss all before Emma shut the door gently and walked round to climb in behind the wheel. 

But now, 10 years later, there was no hand offered to hold, not even the thought of a kiss, though Alyssa could see a shy smile on Emma’s face, her cheeks reddening and a timid look in her eyes. 

Emma shut the door and climbed into the driver’s seat, starting the truck and pulling it onto the road. 

‘How come you have a truck here?’ Alyssa asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. She figured it would be better to at least try and talk to Emma, rather than sitting in silence for the whole journey. 

She knew it wasn’t the same truck that Emma had had when they were teenagers, that was sold just after they graduated to pay for their new apartment, and she doubted that Emma had driven all the way from New York to Indiana. 

‘Uh, technically it’s gran’s, but I think I use it more than she does. It’s good to have a way to get around when I’m here, and gran’s getting older, so I like to be able to drive her places when I’m visiting.’ Emma said with a shrug. 

‘And how is she?’ Alyssa asked with genuine curiosity, keeping her eyes on the road so she wouldn’t look at the woman next to her.

‘Yeah, she’s good’ Emma said, a smile spreading over her face as she talked about Betsy, ‘she’s not as mobile as she used to be, but she’s still a force to be reckoned with. She uh- she was asking after you the other day.’

Alyssa’s heart beat faster. Betsy had asked about her? Which meant? Which meant that Emma had been talking about her? Or maybe it was her mom. God, she hoped it was her mom. 

‘Oh?’ She managed, trying not to let her panic show in her voice. 

‘Yeah she- well she said it would be nice to see you before you left. If that’s something you would be up for?’ 

‘Of course! I’ve missed her.’

 _I’ve missed you._

Her brain ground to a halt. Shit. Had she thought that or said it out loud? Why had she even thought that? 

She chanced a look at Emma for any indication of whether she’d said it out loud, but Emma was focused on the road, her hands tapping lightly at the steering wheel. 

Right, thank god. She hadn’t said it aloud. But that didn’t change the fact that she’d thought it. Why the hell had she thought it?

She must’ve gotten mixed up with Betsy and Emma in her mind, that was it. She had missed Betsy, not Emma. She had gone the best part of 6 years not missing Emma, she was not about to start now that Emma was right in front of her. How can you miss someone who’s sitting right next to you anyway?

‘She still sends me birthday cards’ she added, looking for anything to say to stop her brain from racing at 100 miles an hour. 

‘I know’ said Emma with a sad smile, ‘sometimes I used to think she liked you more than me.’ 

_Used to._

Neither of them had explicitly mentioned the past until then, and the two words hung in the air between them. The car slowly descended into silence, one that neither of the women seemed to know how to break. 

Alyssa fiddled with a button on her coat while Emma fidgeted with her hands on the steering wheel. Alyssa noted that, thank god, they were nearly at the mall. 

Suddenly, Emma broke the silence. 

‘Lys I-‘ cutting herself off as Alyssa felt herself flinch at the use of her old nickname. Her heart began to beat faster again and her head filled with a haze that she couldn’t quite clear. 

‘Sorry, I didn’t- are you okay?’ Emma asked, glancing over worriedly at Alyssa’s reaction. 

‘Just please’ Alyssa said squeezing her eyes closed at the tears that were threatening to fall, ‘please don’t call me that.’ 

* * *

***6 years earlier***

_‘Lys? What’s going on?’ Emma asked, confusion in her voice._

_Alyssa stood up from the sofa, stepping round her carefully packed suitcases._

_‘You tell me Emma.’_

_‘Are-are you going somewhere?’ She asked, her voice so innocent that Alyssa’s resolve nearly crumbled right then and there._

_‘I’m only going to ask you this once, okay?’ Alyssa continued, ‘I’m going to give you one more chance not to lie to me.’_

_The bewildered look on Emma’s face only grew, ‘I-I don’t understand. Lying about what? ‘Lys, why are your bags packed?’_

_‘Where were you tonight?’ Alyssa asked, ignoring Emma’s questions. Her heart tightening in her chest, willing Emma to be honest with her. Not that that would hurt any less._

_‘I texted you? I was at work.’ Emma replied, and Alyssa tried to stop the disappointment aching in her chest, and the sob which threatened to burst from her mouth._

_‘But you weren’t though.’ She managed, her voice level, taking her time with every word. ‘I went over there, I wanted to surprise you. And- and I saw you. I saw you with her.’_

_‘With who Alyssa?’ Emma’s voice had an edge to it that she didn’t like._

_It took all of Alyssa’s strength to get the next words out. She willed herself to make it to the end of what she wanted to say, ‘with Carrie. I saw you getting into her car, and then I followed you. I don’t know why. And then’ she took a deep breath, ‘and then I saw you two going into her apartment together.’_

_‘You-you followed me?’ Emma said, like that was the most important part of anything that Alyssa had just said._

_‘Yes Emma, I followed you. You’ve been so distant recently and always working late and I didn’t want to think- I didn’t want to think the worst. But maybe I should’ve. Maybe I should’ve been thinking the absolute worst of you this whole time.’ She spat out, anger overtaking her sadness._

_‘Alyssa, please. It’s not what it looks like.’ Emma said, taking a step forward, but Alyssa shrank back, putting her suitcase between them._

_‘Then what is it? If it’s not you having an affair with our friend, then what is it?’_

_‘I- I can’t say right now.’ Emma said quietly, her voice almost a whisper, ‘Just please, give me a few days and I can explain everything.’_

_‘Right’ Alyssa replied plainly, her voice wavering. She bent to pick up one of her bags, wheeling her suitcase round Emma until she reached the door._

_‘Lys, please’ Emma begged weakly._

_‘If we don’t have trust Emma, what do we have?’ She responded sadly, finally letting a single tear fall down her cheek._

_She took Emma’s silence as her signal to leave, as she wheeled her suitcases out of their apartment, shutting the door sharply behind her._

_She didn’t look back at Emma. She couldn’t._

* * *

Alyssa opened her eyes as the truck came to a stop, noticing that they were now parked in the parking lot outside the mall. 

She was brought out of her daydream by Emma lightly clearing her throat.

‘I’m sorry’ she said, for what felt like the thousandth time, ‘I didn’t mean to make you upset. We can- I can just drive you home if you want?’ 

Alyssa seriously considered it for a second, before shaking her head. She had come this far, what was the point in running away now?

Besides, Emma owed her some answers. She needed some answers about the night she had just been reminded of. 

The two headed into the restaurant, Emma still walking round to open the truck door for Alyssa, but keeping her distance, as though Alyssa was some wild animal she didn’t want to startle. 

Alyssa trudged behind, the memory of Emma saying her name for the last time 6 years ago playing and replaying in her mind. 

They were silent as they were seated and ordered, Emma staring out of the window while Alyssa pretended to be occupied by something on her phone. She wanted to say something, but her brain was racing so fast she couldn’t think of anything she could say that could explain how she was feeling. 

The waitress brought their food over, Alyssa picking at her fries, her appetite long gone. Across the table, Emma was taking cautious bites of her burger, surreptitiously glancing over at Alyssa every few minutes in a not so subtle way. 

Alyssa studied her for a minute. She hadn’t changed much over the years. The Emma in front of her could be the Emma that she knew all those years ago, the same hazel eyes hidden behind almost comically large glasses. The same blonde curls that she still ran her hand through when she was nervous.

The Emma that had held her hand as they walked through the park by their apartment together. The Emma who had taken her on dates that were way too expensive for what she could afford, kissing her softly at rooftop bars, the New York skyline behind them. 

Suddenly, Alyssa felt a flash of anger. They had been so happy, so content.

Sure, the months leading up to the break up had been hard, the extra stress on both of them due to their jobs leaving them with little time to spend with each other. But they could’ve sorted it out, couldn’t they? Was it that the break up was a long time coming, and Alyssa had just sped up the process by leaving that night?

Or was it that Emma had sped up the process with what she had done? 

And now what was this? Some attempt from Emma to get back together? To be friends? Acquaintances?

The anger continued to boil inside her as she thought. How dare Emma even try and be nice to her, how dare she look disappointed when Alyssa asked her to stay away. 

Her mind raced quickly, rage building inside her. She had to know. However much it hurt, she had to know why Emma had done it. Then, she could finally be free. 

Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, ‘so how’s Carrie?’.

From Emma’s reaction, her building anger was evident on her face. The other woman swallowed nervously before answering. 

‘Um, she’s good. I think.’ Emma replied quietly, ‘last I heard, she and her husband were expecting their first kid.’ 

‘So, she wasn’t worth it then?’ Alyssa wasn’t sure where the spite in her voice was coming from, but she was in too deep to stop now.

And suddenly, she wanted to hurt Emma, to hurt her as badly as she’d been hurt all those years ago. ‘I hope at least the sex was good. It must’ve been, right?’

Emma’s eyes went wide and Alyssa thought she saw tears gleaming behind her glasses. Her words had hit a nerve, and while she wanted to feel triumphant, all she felt was guilt. 

‘Alyssa, we were- we were never...It wasn’t like that.’ Came Emma’s reply, her voice wavering ever so slightly. It caused Alyssa’s heart to sink.

Alyssa couldn’t help the scoff that left her lips, ‘what was it like then Emma?’ 

Emma looked at her with a sad smile on her face. ‘You never let me explain. I- I asked you to give me time to explain, but’ she sighed, ‘but you just left.’

Alyssa averted her gaze, overcome by the pain in Emma’s eyes. She couldn’t look at her. She knew if she did, her walls would come tumbling down again. 

Her head and her heart were in turmoil. Her brain was telling her to push Emma, ask her what she could possibly mean. Her brain was telling her that she couldn’t forget that this was all Emma’s fault, that she couldn’t forget how much it hurt. 

But her heart, her heart wanted nothing more than to comfort Emma. To suddenly believe she had done nothing wrong and take her in arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. 

On this occasion, her head won.

‘Explain then’. The words came out plainly and void of emotion, and Alyssa was secretly proud at how well she was outwardly keeping her cool. 

‘Okay’ said Emma, sitting up straighter and lifting her glasses to rub her eyes. ‘Carrie and I were never together. We were never anything. Sure we were friends but-‘

‘She was always all over you. Whenever we hung out, she was always flirting.’ Alyssa cut in, still feeling the jealousy she had felt back then. 

‘Be that as it may,’ Emma continued calmly, ‘she was never anything to me. The reason- the reason that I was spending a lot of time with her was because she was helping me with something.’

Alyssa contained her eye-roll. _I bet she was_ , she thought. 

‘She um- she has a kind of side business, y’know, Etsy and things like that. She designs jewellery and stuff’

Alyssa furrowed her eyebrows. This- this was definitely not going where she had expected. She quirked an eyebrow as a sign for Emma to continue. 

However, instead of speaking, Emma reached under her shirt, retrieving a thin metal chain that hung round her neck, one that Alyssa hadn’t noticed until then. She caught a glimpse of what looked like a ring attached to it.

Emma cradled whatever it was in her hands, as if it might break at any moment.

Alyssa watched as tears built in Emma’s eyes, an emotion that she couldn’t quite place swirling in the hazel as the woman stared down into her hands. It seemed like such an intimate moment, that Alyssa almost felt like she was intruding, not wanting to say anything else to break Emma out of whatever trance the ring had put her under. 

‘Is that- a ring?’ She eventually asked, being met with silence from the woman in front of her. She couldn’t work it out. What was the significance of this to the story Emma had been telling?

She could feel pieces of the puzzle falling into place, but she couldn’t quite see the full picture. What was she missing? 

‘Okay, say I believe you.’ She ventured cautiously, Emma’s attention still focused on her hands, ‘what could possibly be so special about a ring that you had to be so secretive about it?’ 

The final piece clicked into her brain just as the words left her mouth. 

Before she could even begin to process her realization, Emma raised her head, a new look in her eyes that terrified Alyssa.

It was so full of pain and rage that she felt herself shrinking back. She had rarely seen Emma angry in their years of dating, and this was an anger that she had never met before.

‘Think about it Alyssa.’ She snapped suddenly, her voice no more than a whisper. 

And then, as soon as the anger in her eyes had appeared, her face crumpled and fresh tears began to flood down her cheeks. 

‘I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...’ she began, ‘I need some air.’

And with that, she stood up from the table and walked quickly towards the door, leaving Alyssa to sit alone at their table, the walls of all she thought she knew crashing down around her. 

* * *

Emma lay in the bed of her truck, looking up at the sky. It wasn’t yet getting dark and she watched as clouds floated past, letting silent tears fall down her cheeks. 

Her fingers found the ring around her neck and she sighed. 

She hadn’t meant to tell Alyssa about it. She’d promised herself that she would never tell her, even if she _did_ see her again. She’d also promised Barry, and she knew that he’d kill her when he found out. 

But looking at Alyssa sitting across from her, with more anger in her eyes than Emma had ever seen, it had all come spilling out. 

She had never meant to hurt Alyssa, but she realised that maybe it was her doing that had created the woman she’d met over the past few days. The woman she struggled to recognise. 

Her heart ached thinking back to what could have been. Would things have been different if she had just told Alyssa the truth? What would have happened if she’d tried harder to make things right? 

After what felt like hours alone with her thoughts, she heard a voice from somewhere over the side of the truck. 

‘Thank god you’re still here. You were kinda my ride and I was worried that you’d left.’ It said, a weak attempt at a joke, that wasn’t helped by the fact that voice shook as it spoke. 

Emma didn’t reply. 

‘Do you mind if I-‘ she heard as she felt weight being applied to the other end of the truck, as a leg was flung over the side. 

She sat up slowly, shuffling awkwardly as Alyssa clambered over the side of the truck bed, trying to give the other woman enough room to sit down while still maintaining a distance between them. 

She pulled her knees up to her chest, looking back up at the sky. Even if she did have anything left to say to Alyssa, she didn’t think she had the courage to actually articulate a complete sentence.

There was a pause. 

‘You were going to propose?’ 

It came so quietly that Emma would’ve missed it if she hadn’t been expecting to hear it at some point. 

She nodded her head slowly, staring pointedly at her nails, not wanting to look up be met with whatever emotions were surely playing across Alyssa’s face. The words cut through her like a knife.

‘Fuck.’ Alyssa’s voice came quietly again, barely audible over the wind and the other cars in the parking lot. ‘I really messed up, huh?’

Emma said nothing. What did she have to say to that? Was Alyssa expecting her to forgive and forget and turn round and propose for real in the parking lot of a mall in Edgewater, Indiana? 

‘Why-Why did you never tell me?’ 

Emma felt her head snap up at that, eyes trained on Alyssa’s face. 

‘Why did I never tell you?’ She repeated back, her voice incredulous. 

Alyssa flinched at the sudden movement, looking down at her hands. 

‘I tried! I fucking tried. But you blocked my number. None of my calls or texts would go through. I had no idea where you were even staying or where you had gone after you left.’ She knew her voice was raising, but she couldn’t help it, her pent-up emotions from the past 6 years finally spilling out. 

‘Shit, Alyssa. I was so worried. I didn’t know what to do. In the end I had to call your mom and ask her if she’d heard from you, just to know that you were safe. I know I screwed up, but I just wanted to know that you were safe.’ Her voice broke as she neared the end of her sentence, her eyes filling with tears for what felt like the 10th time that night. 

‘I tried for you,’ she said softly, ‘and maybe I should’ve tried harder. But in the end, I gave up. I gave up on you. Because it hurt so much to think that you would ever believe that I was capable of that. Of-of cheating on you. I know we were having some problems with work and everything but I thought-‘

She put her head in her hands, curling tighter into a ball, feeling Alyssa’s eyes burning into her. 

‘I thought you knew you were it for me.’ She finished, her words barely a whisper, not caring whether Alyssa heard her or not. 

Alyssa made no noise, no indication of whether or not she had heard. All that Emma could hear was the blood rushing in her ears, her anger and sadness and hurt racing around inside her. 

Her chest ached and her head was pounding. All she wanted to do was go home. 

‘Can I- can I see it?’ Alyssa asked timidly. 

Emma rubbed her eyes with the back of her sleeve, her other hand resting protectively on where the ring hung over her chest. 

‘You don’t have to. I just-‘ Alyssa’s sentence trailed off, as if the woman herself was unsure about what she was about to say. 

Emma steeled herself and finally looked up properly, her eyes meeting Alyssa’s. 

It was the first time she’d looked at the other woman since she’d joined her in the back of the truck, and Emma felt like she’d been transported back in time 10 years.

The hard eyes she had been met with on their previous encounters were gone, replaced with eyes that were so wide and shy, she could’ve sworn she was looking at 16 year old ‘in the closet’ Alyssa. 

She’d had the same look in her eyes the day she’d come out to Emma, sitting in Emma’s truck at their spot by the lake, everything around them forgotten as they lost themselves in each other. 

She felt an ache bloom in her chest, her eyes stuck on Alyssa’s as she made her decision and slowly unfastened the chain from around her neck. 

Alyssa looked as though she was holding her breath, and she was looking at Emma in a way that made her head hurt.

No one had looked at Emma like that in 6 years. 

She held her hand out slowly towards Alyssa, as if afraid that the other woman would grab the necklace out of her grasp and run. 

Alyssa leaned forward ever so slightly, her hand outstretched towards Emma, her fingers dangerously close to Emma’s leg. 

Their fingers were centimetres from brushing, eyes still locked together intensely when suddenly Alyssa’s phone rang. 

Emma snatched her hand away quickly, cradling the ring gently as she watched Alyssa snap back to where she had been sitting before. 

‘Mom, hi. Yes, um Emma brought me to Applebee’s to wait until they could pick up the car. Yeah, I’m still there now. Okay, that’s great, I’ll see you in a second then.’

Alyssa winced as she hung up the phone, looking back at Emma and smiling sheepishly. 

‘I, uh, I have to go. My mom will be here in a second.’ 

Emma almost laughed as Alyssa spoke. It was like they were back in high school and couldn’t be caught together by Mrs Greene. As though Alyssa couldn’t be seen hanging out with the lesbian social outcast. 

‘But thank you, Emma.’ She continued, her voice genuine. ‘I- I, appreciate you being honest with me.’ 

Her eyes lingered on Emma’s, as Emma found herself getting lost in the dark brown. They were older, sure, but they still held the same power over Emma that they had years ago.

God, she had forgotten how beautiful Alyssa’s eyes were. 

The honk of a car horn startled both women out of their daze, and Alyssa was saying a hurried goodbye and jumping out of the truck before Emma had even realised that she’d just associated Alyssa with the word beautiful. 

Thank god Mrs Greene and her excellent timing had ruined the moment. 

No, not a moment. They had definitely not just had a moment.

Emma closed her eyes and sighed. She climbed out of the truck bed and into the driver’s seat. Carefully, she fastened the chain back round her neck, feeling calmer as soon as she felt the cool metal against her chest.

Her brain hurt from trying to make sense of everything that had just happened.

Where did this leave her and Alyssa? 

She’d practically bared her heart to her ex over the past few hours, and she didn’t even know if she would get the opportunity to talk to her again. 

She suddenly felt exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to go home and go to bed and forget about the events of the day. 

She had a sneaking feeling, though, that that might be easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So turns out, they're both idiots, but we knew that already! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> I'm gonna be away for a week, so it might take a while for chapter 3 to appear, but I'll try my best to get it out as soon as possible!!
> 
> Again, all comments are appreciated and you can find me over at the-dyad-group on tumblr if you so wish!
> 
> Stay safe and I'll see you guys soon!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emma connects with the local youth, Mrs Greene gives some good advice, and Trent makes an awkward situation worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, look who's back already! Honestly, I don't know where this came from or how it came so quickly but its here and I hope you enjoy nonetheless!!

Emma groaned as she rolled over, away from the beam of sunlight shining directly into her closed eyes. 

She put out an arm, feeling along her bedside table until she found her phone and lifted her head slightly to check the time, before slamming it back down into the pillow. 

It was 6.30am. That was a whole hour since she’d last woken up, and a whole hour and a half since she’d woken up the time before that. 

In all, she had not slept well at all. 

She knew why, of course she did. But she refused to even think about what was on her mind before she’d had coffee. 

Finally giving in to the fact that she wouldn’t be able to sleep any more, she hauled herself out of bed, grabbed her glasses, and wandered to the bathroom.

She looked at herself in the mirror, running a hand through her curls as she noted the dark circles under her eyes. 

She looked dead on her feet, and if she was being honest, it wasn’t a great look on her. She’d have to try and have a nap before the final prom meeting later that day. 

She went through the motions, having a quick shower and brushing her teeth while her brain rebooted, ready for the day. 

Her mind finally caught up with her as she was choosing her outfit, her options limited from the small suitcase she had brought. 

She picked up a blue button down, but that was too much like what she’d worn the day before, and _maybe_ also the day before that. Maybe one of the two flannels she’d brought? 

She held them up, trying to decide which one went better with her jeans and plain grey T-shirt, before catching herself. What was she doing? 

She didn’t need to make an effort, this was Edgewater. The closest most of its residents got to fashion was a rare Topshop shirt or skirt, pushed to the back of the rail at the thrift shop. 

So why was she suddenly so concerned about her outfit for the day? 

Deep down, she suspected that maybe it had something to do with who else would be attending the meeting later, but she stopped that train of thought before it could get any further. 

Coffee first, crippling amount of thoughts and feelings later. 

Settling on a red flannel, she pulled on the rest of her clothes and then headed downstairs. 

If she was in New York, she would stroll out the door and down the street to her favourite coffee shop, picking up her regular order. 

But again, she remembered, she was in a small town in Indiana. Coffee shops definitely hadn’t existed here when she was growing up. But maybe things had changed.

Giving the town the benefit of the doubt, she grabbed her keys and left the house, being careful to close the door quietly behind her so as not to wake Betsy. 

She drove into the centre, keeping an eye out for any shop that looked like it would even know what coffee was. She circled around a few times before she noticed a small bakery with a picture of a coffee cup in the window, which was a good a sign as any. 

She pulled over and parked her truck, crossing the road and entering the bakery. 

To her relief, the first thing she heard was the hum of a coffee machine, and she was rewarded with the smell of freshly baked bread mixing with freshly brewed coffee.

She ordered quickly, making sure to pick up some cinnamon rolls for Betsy before making her way back out onto the street. 

The first sip of her coffee made her feel more alive. It also, however, amplified the buzz of thoughts rattling round in her head, the ones that she had been ignoring all morning. 

Checking the time quickly, she decided to take a walk to the local park. Maybe a walk would help her sift through her thoughts more easily. 

Just as she entered the park, she heard a voice behind her calling her name. 

She turned cautiously, unsure who that she knew would be out at this time in the morning. 

She was met with a girl no more than 16 or 17 walking slowly towards her. 

She had straight brown hair and features that Emma couldn’t quite place. 

‘Emma?’ The girl repeated, ‘you’re Emma Nolan, right?’ 

‘Uh, right.’ Emma replied, feeling self conscious in front of the teen. 

‘Oh, cool. I’m Kira.’ The girl continued.

‘Hi?’ Emma said, still unsure as to why she was being cornered by a high schooler in the middle of a park at 7 o’clock in the morning. 

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you, it’s just-‘ Kira paused, ‘my aunt Kaylee has told me a lot about you, and I was wondering if I could ask you something?’

Suddenly, it became clear why the girl looked so familiar. It was like stepping back in time, and if it weren’t for the coffee, Emma would think she was still dreaming. The girl looked almost identical to her aunt.

‘Kaylee is- your aunt?’ She managed, still trying to process what the girl was saying. 

‘Uh, yeah. Her and aunt Shelby talk about you all the time, so it’s really cool to actually meet you.’ 

Aunt Kaylee _and_ aunt Shelby? 

Before Emma could even begin to process that, Kira was talking again. 

‘So, um, is it okay if I ask you something?’

‘Sure’ said Emma, deciding to embrace the weirdness, and the strange confidence that the girl in front of her had. 

‘Okay so, um, well..’ Kira trailed off nervously, and Emma recognised what she thought was about to come next.

‘Do you want to sit?’ She asked, gesturing to a nearby bench, in the hopes that it would dispel some of the nerves that were suddenly rolling off the girl in front of her.

Kira obliged and then opened her mouth to speak again. She took a deep breath. 

‘So, when you um, when you worked out you were...’ she lowered her voice, ‘gay, like, what did you do?’

Emma furrowed her eyebrows. Sure, she’d been expecting a question along these lines. She _was_ the instantly recognisable lesbian poster girl for the inclusive prom after all. But she didn’t quite understand what Kira was getting at.

‘What did I do?’ She asked. 

‘Yeah like, like, what did you do? I-I’m pretty sure I’m gay and I’ve admitted it to myself and accepted it, but like, what do I do now?’ 

Emma chuckled, ‘well, I guess you can do whatever you want to do. You’ve admitted it to yourself, and sometimes, that’s the hardest part.’

She paused to think before continuing.

‘Just because you’ve realised this about yourself, doesn’t mean you have to act any different or do anything differently. People make it out to be such a big deal, but really, do you feel any different?’ 

‘I mean, maybe a bit more sure of myself, but other than that, not really’ replied Kira.

‘Exactly!’ Emma exclaimed, taking a sip of her coffee, ‘because you’re still the same person you were before. If you want to try something new, then go for it. Cut your hair, dress more masculine or more feminine, whatever. But you don’t have to. Because deep down, you’re still you, and being gay won’t have changed that. If anything, it’ll have just made you even better than before. Plus, now you’ve got a membership one of the most exclusive clubs in the world.’

This provoked a giggle from Kira, and the girl seemed to physically relax. 

‘But, what’s next? Like, how do I get a girlfriend? How do I even know if a girl likes me?’ She asked sheepishly. 

Emma laughed again, ‘now that, that I can’t help you with. I’ve always been pretty hopeless at that.’

‘But what about A-‘

‘Well,’ Emma cut her off before she could finish the name, ‘that was kind of an accident, and I’m sure your aunts have told you how that one ended too.’ 

Her mind flitted back to her first kiss with Alyssa, pulling back to see the girl with her eyes wide and a dazed look on her face. Emma had never thought she was more beautiful than in that moment, lips red and cheeks glowing. 

She tuned back in as Kira finished, ‘-a cute couple.’ 

‘Hmm?’ She asked, but Kira was suddenly preoccupied with her phone.

‘Um, I’ve got to get to school’ she said suddenly, ‘but thank you Emma. It feels good to talk to someone else like me.’ 

‘No worries. It’s what I wished I had when I was your age.’ Emma replied, a wistful smile on her face.

‘I’ll see you at prom?’ Kira asked.

‘I’ll be there’ said Emma with a grin, ‘oh, and Kira, you should ask her. Whoever she is, whatever she is to you right now, I think you should ask her to prom.’ 

The girl’s face turned a bright shade of scarlet, and Emma knew her assumption had been right. And then, with a final wave, Kira was gone, and Emma was left sitting on the bench, her coffee still warm in her hand.

_To be young and in love_ , she thought, trying as best she could to keep thoughts of rosy cheeks and kiss swollen lips out of her mind. 

* * *

Alyssa dragged a hand over her face, rubbing desperately at her tired eyes in an attempt to feel more awake. 

She had had maybe about 4 hours of sleep in total, but her brain had more than made up for it with the amount of dreams she’d had. 

Dreams that featured a certain person every single time.

Closing her eyes again, she replayed some of them in her mind. 

Emma with tears in her eyes, replaced by Emma looking at her with anger, replaced by Emma down on one knee, replaced by Emma holding her impossibly close, replaced by Emma leaning in slowly until-

‘Morning sweetheart.’ Mrs Greene broke Alyssa out of her thoughts as she breezed into the kitchen. ‘You’re up early.’

‘Yeah, I had some work to catch up on.’ She lied unconvincingly. 

Her mom stayed silent, bustling round the kitchen and busying herself by making coffee for herself and Alyssa. 

Her silence unnerved Alyssa, and she could practically feel her mother preparing herself to say something. They hadn’t spoken about the night before, too caught up in dealing with the rental car, but Alyssa knew her mother would have questions, mainly about the fact that she had been with Emma when she came to pick her up. 

‘Honey,’ said Mrs Greene placing a plate of toast down in front her, and Alyssa braced herself for what was about to come next. ‘Do you want to talk about last night? I don’t know what happened, but you seemed upset in the car. Did- did something happen with Emma?’ 

Alyssa sighed, ‘yeah.’ It was all she could manage to say, her brain trying to form coherent sentences to explain to her mother what exactly Emma had told her.

Mrs Greene’s eyes widened, and Alyssa realised her mom had jumped to a more extreme conclusion. 

‘Oh god, no! Nothing like that mom.’ She added quickly, trying to ignore that slight feeling of disappointment that was trying to creep in. She should not be feeling disappointed about something _not_ happening with Emma. ‘She just, um, told me something about our breakup that I didn’t know.’ 

Mrs Greene didn’t say anything, and Alyssa decided that if she was going to tell anyone, it may as well be her mother. 

‘She-she told me that she was going to propose.’ She said quietly, forcing down the tears that threatened to pool in her eyes at even the thought of it.

Her mom’s face remained passive, not even a hint of the shock or disappointment that Alyssa was expecting to see there. 

And then it dawned on her.

‘You knew?’ She asked carefully, scanning her mom’s face for some sign of recognition.

Mrs Greene looked down at her hands before nodding slowly. Alyssa was too shocked to say anything. 

‘Are you really that surprised, honey?’ Her mother asked, ‘we both know what Emma is like. She came to ask me for my blessing a few months before she had planned to ask you’ 

A few _months_? God, how long had Emma been planning it? 

‘But-but you never told me’ Alyssa managed, her voice small. 

‘It really wasn’t my place to tell you, especially after...’ she paused, ‘especially after what happened. Emma called me that night, I don’t know if she told you. She was frantic and in tears and if you hadn’t already called me, I would’ve thought the worst. She just kept repeating that she’d made a mistake and asking did I know where you were. When she finally calmed down she asked me not to tell you about the engagement. She said- she said that she didn’t want to hurt you any more than she already had.’ 

Alyssa felt numb. Her mom had known, for 6 years, and hadn’t told her. 

Emma had spoken to her and asked her to protect Alyssa, even when she was hurting as well. 

She felt tears pricking her eyes and was vaguely aware of Mrs Greene coming to stand behind her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

‘Mom,’ she said, her voice a whisper, a sob leaving her lips before she could stop it. ‘I think-I think I made a huge mistake.’ 

‘Oh Alyssa,’ Mrs Greene said, pulling her into a hug. She clung to her mom like she was a child, the soft circles her mom was rubbing on her back soothing her. 

‘You know,’ she continued, ‘I made a big mistake once, a very public one that hurt a lot of people. I’ve spent every day since that trying to make up for it, and I hope that in some ways I have. One of the people I hurt the most was Emma Nolan, and yet, I saw her at the school the other day and she was nothing but polite to me. She has been nothing but polite and kind to me for nearly 10 years now, ever since your prom. Even when she had every right not to be.’

She paused. 

‘You know her Alyssa, you know what she’s like. And while I’m sure she won’t be able to forget, I’d say that, if you try, maybe she’ll be willing to forgive. Despite those terrible parents of hers, she was raised right. She has Betsy to thank for that.’ 

Alyssa sat, her head in her mother’s chest, letting the words wash over her. 

Her mom was right, Emma had forgiven her for the whole prom situation. And maybe Emma would be able to forgive Alyssa for the events of 6 years ago. 

She wasn’t sure what she even wanted from the other woman, not really. But forgiveness was a good start. She had to try, at least. 

* * *

Emma shuffled awkwardly into the classroom, surveying the buzz that was happening within. The prom was 2 days away and she could practically feel the excitement vibrating from the students. 

She looked around for somewhere to sit, or someone to talk to, feeling exposed being the only person in the room who didn’t seem to have something to do. 

She was just about to make her way over to the table of refreshments when she felt eyes on her, looking up and locking eyes with Alyssa across the room. 

Emma felt herself blushing as she gave Alyssa a small smile. 

Their conversation from the night before had been playing and replaying in her head and she suddenly felt embarrassed under Alyssa’s gaze. 

Had she told her too much? Had she scared Alyssa by being angry? Did Alyssa still blame her? 

The woman in question took a few steps towards her, and Emma found herself gravitating closer as well, until both women found themselves together in the middle of the room. 

Anything that Emma had planned to say, should this situation arise, immediately left her brain, and she couldn’t think of a single word to say. 

She didn’t think she would even be able to form a sentence if she tried, Alyssa’s eyes still locked on hers, captivating her, the coldness from their other meetings being replaced by a shy glint.

‘Hi’ Alyssa offered with a slight smile, her cheeks colouring. 

‘Hello’ replied Emma dumbly, fiddling with a button on her flannel while keeping her focus on Alyssa.

Alyssa opened her mouth again, ‘can we-‘

‘There’s my two favourite lesbians!’ Came a cry from across the room, cutting Alyssa off, as Trent bounded up to the pair. 

‘How are you guys? I’m so excited you’re in town, but I haven’t had a chance to speak to either of you! What do you guys think? Are you as excited for the prom as I am?’

Emma blinked, bewildered by the sheer amount of questions that Trent was firing at them. Glancing over to her right, she saw that Alyssa wore a similar expression. 

‘Trent!’ She said, trying to match the man’s enthusiasm, despite how tired she still was. ‘Um, I can’t speak for Alyssa, but I’m okay. This is all pretty exciting, huh?’

‘You bet!’ Trent responded, ‘oh real quick, what did you guys think of the posters? With you guys on the front? So cute right! That was my idea! What’s going on with you guys anyway?’ He asked with a conspiratorial wink. 

Emma glanced at Alyssa for assistance, but the other woman seemed to be as much at a loss of what to say as Emma. 

Suddenly, Alyssa’s eyes went wide, and Emma gave her a confused look. 

‘Oh, Trent, we’re not, um- Emma and I,’ she winced, ‘Emma and I aren’t together anymore.’

Emma’s attention snapped back to Trent, refusing to look at Alyssa, trying to distract herself from the feeling of emptiness creeping into her chest at the other woman’s words. 

‘ _What?_ Exclaimed Trent _,_ leaning in as though it was a big secret, ‘for how long?’

‘Um, about 6 years now’ Emma offered, ‘did- did nobody tell you?’ 

‘6 years?! My god, news really does travel slow in Indiana’ Trent laughed, ‘well, I’m sorry if I put my foot in it then. You guys were just standing close and I haven’t seen you in a while and I just figured, well I don’t know, I figured you guys would be together forever.’ 

Emma shifted uncomfortably at this, chancing a look at Alyssa, who was biting her lip and looking suspiciously like she was trying not to cry. 

As soon as Trent had mentioned it, Emma had noticed their proximity, and tried to shuffle over a bit so as to give Alyssa some space. They’d just gravitated towards each other; she hadn’t meant to be standing so close. 

‘Anyway-‘ started Trent, before Ms. Alvarez cleared her throat and called a start to the meeting. 

‘Oh, well I’ll catch you guys later.’ He said, shooting a wink at them both before walking over to his seat. 

Emma felt Alyssa release a breath she had been holding and braced herself before turning to the other woman. 

‘Are you okay?’ She asked, noticing tears still glittering in Alyssa’s eyes. She reached out her hand as if to grab Alyssa’s, but caught herself before she could, bringing it back to fiddle with her glasses instead.

Before Alyssa could answer, Mrs Greene bustled over. 

‘Alyssa, honey, do you want to come and sit by me? I’ve saved you a seat.’ She said, only noticing Emma halfway through. ‘Oh, hello Emma darling, sorry, am I interrupting something?’

‘Uh, no, it’s fine mom.’ Alyssa replied quickly, shooting Emma an unreadable look before she followed her mother back to the front of the room. 

Emma sighed and made her way to the back to find a vacant seat. 

She couldn’t stop thinking about the tears in Alyssa’s eyes as she talked about them breaking up. 

And she couldn’t stop thinking about what would have happened if she’d allowed herself to grab Alyssa’s hand, to comfort her and find out what was wrong. 

~

The meeting passed by quickly, Emma quickly finding herself becoming wrapped up in all the details of the prom, despite having basically no hand in organising it.

As the meeting drew to a close, Ms. Alvarez returned to her place at the front of the room. 

‘Now everyone,’ she began, ‘I’m sure you’re aware that this year we have some very special guests attending our prom.’ 

Emma sank down in her seat, thanking whatever higher power there was that she had chosen to sit at the back, as all the eyes in the room turned to Alyssa sitting at the front.

The other woman gave a soft smile, but Emma knew her better and could see her shifting uncomfortably under everyone’s gaze. 

‘Alyssa Greene is here of course,’ the principal continued, Mrs Greene beaming proudly at her daughter.

Emma watched as the principal scanned the rest of the room, ‘and Emma Nolan is here too, somewhere.’

Reluctantly, Emma sat up straight and waved her hand, trying not to flinch as all the eyes in the room turned to her. 

She met Alyssa’s eyes briefly before looking away, not wanting to be distracted from what Ms. Alvarez was about to say that was surely going to involve her.

‘Now, for those that don’t know, Emma and Alyssa were a very big part of James Madison’s first ever inclusive prom, and we’re so grateful you guys could come back to help us do it all again 10 years later!’ 

There was a polite round of applause and Emma refrained from sinking back into her seat.

‘Now Emma,’ Ms. Alvarez said, directing her attention to the back of the room, ‘the prom committee have a little request for you.’

Emma felt her heart lurch. Whatever it was, she definitely didn’t want to do it. And she was definitely going to have to do it anyway.

‘Would you mind opening the night with “the song that started it all”?’ Ms. Alvarez said, her hands making air quotations. ‘Would you be willing to sing Unruly Heart for us at the prom?’ 

Emma took a deep breath. Of course they wanted her to sing Unruly Heart. A song she hadn’t played or sung in years. A song she hadn’t even listened to in 6 years. A song that she had basically written about Alyssa.

No, she very much did _not_ want to sing it at the prom. 

But did she really have a choice? 

She felt herself growing red under the principal’s stare, cursing her decision to come back. 

She bit her lip and shook her head a little, before plastering on a smile. 

‘Yes, of course! I’d love to’ 

* * *

Alyssa wandered aimlessly down the school halls. 

The meeting had ended a little over half an hour ago and she’d told her mom she’d catch up with her, hoping to try and talk to Emma. 

Emma, however, had disappeared the second it was over, and so Alyssa instead had opted to walk the school halls in an attempt to find somewhere quiet where she could just sit and think. 

She had a hell of a lot to think about.

Technically she shouldn’t have been wandering around a school past class time, but members of the prom committee were going still going in and out, bringing in supplies for the event, so she figured she was okay to stay for a little while. 

She stopped outside the doors to the gym and, curiosity getting the better of her, she stepped inside. She wanted to know how the decorating was coming along. 

She didn’t notice the music until she was halfway into the room, the gentle sound of a guitar echoing around the large space.

It stopped abruptly as the door slammed behind her.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I didn’t know anyone else was-‘ her sentence trailed off as she stepped closer, realising who it was that was playing.

Emma was sat on the edge of a makeshift stage, which had obviously been erected for the prom. A guitar was balanced carefully on her knee and she was wearing a headphone in one ear, as though she was playing along to something. 

‘Oh’ said Alyssa softly. ‘Sorry, I- I should go. I’ll leave you to it.’ She turned as if to leave the gym, but was stopped by a voice from behind her.

‘It’s okay. If you wanna- if you wanna stay. I don’t mind.’ 

‘Are you sure?’ Asked Alyssa, ‘after yesterday I-‘ 

‘It’s fine,’ said Emma, a half smile on her face that only just reached her eyes. 

Alyssa slowly made her way over to the stage, sitting on the opposite end to Emma and crossing her legs carefully. 

There was a silence, and Alyssa didn’t know whether she should try and talk to Emma, or let her take the lead.

‘Sorry,’ she said eventually, the silence becoming unbearable, ‘don’t let me keep you from whatever you’re doing.’ 

She heard Emma sigh. Glancing over, she noticed that her head was bowed as she watched her phone screen intently, noting something down every so often on a sheet of paper beside her.

Her tongue was stuck out between her teeth and she put the pencil behind her ear every time she finished writing, and suddenly Alyssa was struck by how little Emma Nolan had changed. 

The Emma in front of her could be the Emma she knew 6 years ago, or the Emma she knew 10 years ago. 

She almost wished it was the Emma from 6 years ago so that she could change what had happened, knowing what she knew now. Go back in time and do it all over again so that she didn’t have to sit there, metres apart from the woman that she used to love, dwelling on the past.

It seemed that all she’d done since she got to Edgewater was dwell on the past. 

And there was that phrase again: _used to._ She hated it. She hated that there were things that her and Emma _used to_ do, _used to_ enjoy, _used to_ feel for each other.

Did _used to_ mean that something couldn’t happen again? 

She was drawn out of her thoughts by Emma groaning, dropping her head into her hands and running her fingers through her curls.

‘Are you alright?’ She asked cautiously, not wanting to press too hard.

‘It’s just this stupid song they want me to play.’ Emma replied, ‘it’s so simple but I haven’t heard or played it in years and I just can’t work out one of these chords.’ 

Her fingers moved over the neck of the guitar, ghosting over each chord as she strummed lightly, and Alyssa recognised the opening to Unruly Heart almost instantly. The amount of times she’d listened to that song when Emma first released it, she was pretty sure she would be able to recognise it from one note. 

‘Well, you seemed very up for playing it when Ms. Alvarez asked you in that meeting.’ Alyssa said, letting her voice sound almost teasing, testing it out to see how Emma would react.

‘Yeah, very funny. I know it’s been 6 years, but I know that you can still tell when I’m uncomfortable with a situation.’ Emma countered, her eyes going wide as she realised what she’d said. ‘I mean, I hope- um I guess- well maybe you don’t- I mean I wouldn’t if-if-‘ 

‘It’s okay Emma. I was just teasing. I noticed.’ Alyssa replied.

Emma seemed to relax at this. ‘It’s just- it’s just such a personal song to me, and I wrote it at such a difficult time. I know that it’s like, the song that started this all off or whatever, but I just- being here, this whole prom thing, it’s bringing back so many memories. It’s overwhelming.’ She said, playing with the sleeve of her flannel, as though determined not to look in Alyssa’s direction. 

‘I know what you mean.’ Alyssa said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. 

Emma looked up at this, a small smile playing across her face. 

‘Sucks right?’ She replied.

‘Mostly, yeah.’ 

Another silence descended on them, this one more comfortable than any they had endured over the past few days.

‘You never answered my question earlier.’ Emma said eventually.

‘What question?’

‘I asked if you were okay after Trent, well, after Trent was Trent.’ 

‘Oh’ Alyssa said with a slight laugh, ‘yeah, it was just- it was just weird. I guess it just reminded me of the months after we- y’know, and I had to keep telling everyone we were broken up. I wish there was a way to just like, broadcast it to the world, so you didn’t have to go through telling basically everyone you know and reopening the wound time and time again.’ 

Emma chuckled, ‘yeah, maybe like an announcement in the paper, you know like they do when people die. “We are sorry to announce that the relationship between one Emma Nolan and one Alyssa Greene was unfortunately ended on Friday 3rd February. The families ask for privacy at this time”’. She put on a mock British accent as she said it, the absurdity of it all making Alyssa laugh, despite the subject matter. 

‘You’re such an idiot,’ she said without thinking, the sheer joy of laughing after a few days of emotional turmoil boosting her mood and pushing all her swirling worries to the back of her head. 

She looked back at Emma, who was blushing fiercely and adjusting her glasses. 

When she looked up and their eyes met, Alyssa felt like all the air had been knocked out of her. 

There, magnified ever so slightly by her glasses, was the look Alyssa had been trying to forget for the past 3 days, the one from the poster that had unnerved her so much. 

It sparkled in the hazel of Emma’s eyes, and Alyssa felt her mouth go dry, the smile that was previously on her face being wiped off immediately. 

She hoped to all the gods that she was mistaken, that she had mistaken one look in Emma’s eyes for another. But deep down, she knew what it was. She felt what it was. It terrified her. 

Surely Emma couldn’t- not after everything.

And suddenly Emma’s words from last night echoed loudly in her head.

_I thought you knew you were it for me._

Emma’s own smile immediately faltered as soon as she saw Alyssa’s face shut down, and Alyssa felt a bolt of panic in her stomach at the fact that her face was so easy to read. What else could Emma read on there? 

‘Sorry, I wasn’t- I didn’t mean to overstep.’ Said Emma quickly, and Alyssa could see the worry in her eyes, ‘I was just trying to make a joke to cheer you up, I- I didn’t think before I opened my mouth, I’m so so-‘

‘Em,’ Alyssa cut her off before she could spiral any further, the use of the nickname leaving a strange taste in her mouth, ‘it’s okay, it’s my fault. It’s just- so easy to forget.’ 

‘Forget what?’ Emma asked timidly.

‘That we’re not- that we haven’t been-‘ she didn’t know how to phrase what she wanted to say, ‘that we haven’t seen each other in 6 years. Sometimes it feels like it’s only been 6 minutes.’ 

Emma said nothing, picking her guitar pick up from the stage and twirling it between her fingers. 

She took a deep breath. 

‘Look, Alyssa, I just wanted to say...,’ she paused momentarily, as though searching for the right words. Alyssa’s stomach lurched, not knowing what to expect next.

‘I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, for all the hurt I caused. And not just what happened years ago. I’m sorry for last night too. I- I told myself I would never tell you because I thought, well, the truth hurt me pretty bad, and I didn’t want it doing the same thing to you.’ 

‘Em, you don’t have to-‘

‘I do. I- I don’t know where we go from here. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me. But I am happy to take the lead from you. If you want to walk out of the doors after the prom and never see me again, I understand, and I accept that.’ 

Alyssa thought her heart might burst. How could Emma, someone she had wrongly accused of cheating and then walked out on, be sitting in front of her asking for her forgiveness? What did she have to forgive? 

‘I- you don’t have to ask for my forgiveness Emma.’ She replied, ‘there is nothing I need to forgive you for, not now I know the truth. You should be the one forgiving me. I don’t understand why you would even want to talk to me after what I did.’ 

‘Lys, you did what you thought was right at the time, based on your perspective of the situation. Hell, I probably would have done the same. I’ve made peace with that over the years.’ 

Alyssa shook her head, ‘why are you so quick to forgive me?’ She asked quietly.

‘Because you’re you.’ Emma replied plainly, a sad smile on her lips. 

_I thought you knew you were it for me._

Alyssa couldn’t get it out of her head. 

She picked at an imaginary thread on her jacket. ‘Emma I- I don’t think I can- I don’t know if I can get back to where we were.’ She said taking a deep breath, ‘but I would- would you be willing to give being friends a go?’ The last words came out in a rush, and if Alyssa was honest, she really wasn’t sure where they had come from.

But it was too late now, they were out there in the universe, currently floating somewhere between her and Emma. 

A slow grin spread on Emma’s face, starting off cautiously as though her suggestion had been a joke, before reaching her eyes and lightening up her whole face. She had missed Emma’s smile.

‘Are- are you sure?’ Emma asked, unable to keep the smile out of her voice.

‘Only if it’s okay with you?’ 

‘It’s more than okay,’ she said with a grin, ‘god, I never even thought I’d ever see you again, let alone-‘

Alyssa missed the end of the sentence, too captivated by the sparkle in Emma’s eyes. 

She wasn’t 100% sure about her offer of friendship, or how it would all work out, but it was worth it to see that smile on Emma’s face. 

She was aware that she was staring, but she didn’t care. As Emma stared back at her, she realised there were a lot of things she didn’t care about anymore. 

Emma broke the moment a few seconds later, glancing at the large clock on the wall of the gym. 

‘We should probably get going.’ She said, ‘besides, I need to return this to the music department before they notice it’s missing.’ She gestured towards the guitar. 

Alyssa hopped down off the stage as Emma did the same, the distance between them staying a respectful few metres. 

As Alyssa took a few steps to leave, Emma spoke up behind her, her voice small and faltering. ‘Alyssa? Is it- can I- would I be able to give you a hug?’ 

Alyssa considered the offer. Every fibre of her heart was screaming yes, while every part of her brain was telling her no. 

She knew it was a bad idea, of course it was. But she needed to test out this new friendship thing with Emma. And friends hugged in totally platonic ways all the time, so she found herself nodding slowly. 

She took a tentative step towards Emma, as the woman opposite her did the same, her arms coming out slowly as Alyssa got closer. 

The moment they were close enough, Alyssa closed the distance, trying not to melt as soon as Emma’s arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

She had expected it to feel familiar, like coming home, and maybe, somewhere in the back of her mind, it kind of did. But it also felt so different. 

Her hands rested gently on the small of Emma’s back, and she could feel the rise and fall of her chest against her own. 

Emma’s embrace was warm and careful, and her hair smelled like vanilla, which was all new to Alyssa. It was like hugging the relative of someone you cared about deeply- so similar and yet so different to the embrace she had been expecting.

She had never felt so utterly herself, and yet so utterly far away at the same time. It was as though she was floating above them, watching the situation from the outside.

And just as soon as it had begun, Alyssa felt Emma let go and pull away. 

They stood, for a minute, in each other’s space, just staring at each other. 

Her hands found Emma’s shoulders, and she found herself adjusting the collar of Emma’s flannel without even meaning to. It all felt so familiar.

A small smile on Emma’s lips drew Alyssa’s attention there for a split second, before she remembered herself and quickly looked away, losing herself in the swirling hazel of her eyes. 

The swirling hazel that, had Alyssa imagined it, or had Emma’s gaze dipped momentarily to her lips too? Was Emma leaning in, or was it just the pounding in her head causing her vision to swim? Was she about to- 

Alyssa stumbled back, putting distance back between her and Emma. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the haze from her head. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest.

No. She wasn’t about to do that. Whatever her and Emma may or may not have been about to do, she was not going to do it. She couldn’t let herself.

She knew it would hurt too much.

Emma too seemed to be coming out of a trance, her mouth slightly open and her chest rising and falling rapidly. Alyssa couldn’t tell from where she was standing, but it looked like her hands were shaking. 

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but Alyssa got there first. She had to get in there first. She had to stop this before it went too far and she couldn’t come back.

‘I can’t- I can’t do this Em.’ She said shakily, ‘I thought that I could but I can’t. I’m sorry.’ 

And with that, she turned and walked out of the gym, not looking back and not saying goodbye to Emma for the second time in both their lives.

* * *

Emma unlocked the door to Betsy’s house, shouting a quick hello to her gran before running up the stairs, wiping roughly at her eyes with her sleeve. 

She would not cry over Alyssa Greene again. She would not. 

No matter how much it hurt, she would not cry. 

She flung open the door of her room, stopping in her tracks as she took in the scene before her. 

‘Gran?’ She shouted down the stairs, ‘why is there a washed up broadway star in my bed?’ 

‘Oh, sorry dear, he barged his way in and that was the only place I could think to put him.’ Betsy shot back. 

‘Honestly, what is it with you Indiana people and your hospitality? So rude!’ Was all the man on the bed managed before Emma was running over and tackling him into a hug. 

‘Barry!’ She said, wiping the tears that were finally falling from her eyes away quickly. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Well,’ he began nonchalantly, ‘I heard there was a high school prom that needed crashing? But, it looks like I got here just in time. It seems like there’s a crisis in the Emma Nolan department that needs to be dealt with before all of that.’ 

Emma laughed and batted away a hand that was trying to wipe away some stray tears that were still trailing down her face. 

‘It’s a long story.’ She said. 

‘Well, it’s a good thing that we’ve got 2 days until the prom then isn’t it!’ Exclaimed Barry, settling back down to where he’d been lying on the bed. 

‘Now’, he said, pulling Emma down with him, ‘start at the very beginning.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys, Barry's here to save the day!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!! I've got 2-ish more chapters to go, with maybe a cheeky epilogue at the end if I'm not ready to let go of this story by the time I get there!
> 
> There might be a bit of a wait for the next chapter, but I'll get it out as soon as I can.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! You can find me at the-dyad-group on tumblr if you wanna chat!
> 
> Catch you guys soon x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone talks about their feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back!!! Apologies for the week break, but here I am with the penultimate chapter.
> 
> This one is a little shorter than the rest mainly just because I needed everyone to have a little talk so they could work out all their feelings before the big finale. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!!

As Emma got to the foot of the stairs, still rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she was greeted by Betsy, with her coat on and her handbag on her arm, waiting by the door.

‘Going somewhere?’ Emma asked.

‘Yes, we are.’ Betsy replied throwing Emma the keys to the truck with a twinkle in her eye. 

Emma caught the keys with ease and shrugged her shoulders before following her gran out of the house.

‘What about Barry?’ Emma said, as the two women stepped outside, Betsy locking the door behind them.

‘Oh, he left quite early this morning. I think he was going to catch up with Trent.’

Emma had a sudden flashback to the night before, pouring her heart out to Barry about Alyssa. God, she hoped he kept his mouth shut around Trent. 

‘So, are you gonna tell me where I’m driving to?’ She asked, starting the truck and pulling off the driveway.

‘I thought we could go to a little place I know just out of town that does breakfast.’

‘What’s the occasion?’ Emma laughed.

‘I just thought it would be nice for us to have a little time to talk.’

_Oh_. Emma’s heart plummeted in her chest as she put two and two together, and realised what her gran probably wanted to talk about. 

Why was everyone suddenly wanting to talk to her about Alyssa? She swore, the less she wanted to talk about her, the more people asked. 

She felt her breathing rate increase as she mentally prepared for the conversation she was about to have, her hands tapping nervously on the steering wheel.

Betsy, sensing her anxiety, put a comforting hand on her leg. 

It was all going to be fine. It was just her grandma. Everything would be fine. 

Or at least that’s what Emma kept telling herself as she continued on down the road and out of town.

~

Eventually they arrived at the diner, Emma hopping out of the driver’s side quickly to help Betsy down from the truck. 

It was a warm day, so they chose a spot outside, and sat in a comfortable silence while they ordered and waited for their food to come.

It was while Emma was midway through her stack of pancakes that Betsy decided to speak. 

‘So,’ she began, ‘I was thinking about inviting Alyssa and Veronica over tomorrow before the prom.’

Emma felt herself tense as her hands stilled, a forkful of pancakes halfway between her plate and her mouth. 

‘Would that be okay?’ 

Emma looked down at her plate, carefully placing her fork down and folding her hands under the table, so that her grandma couldn’t see that they were shaking.

‘I just-‘ she began, ‘I don’t think- _please don’t_.’ She hadn’t meant it to come out sounding so desperate and she wrung her hands in her lap, not wanting to look up at her grandma.

‘Emma, honey,’ Betsy’s voice was soft, so soft it made Emma want to cry, ‘what’s going on? I thought things were getting better with Alyssa?’

‘They um, they were,’ she said, her voice shaking, ‘and I finally told her the truth about when we broke up but then- I don’t know. We agreed to be friends and then ten minutes later she was freaking out on me and telling me she couldn’t do it and running out of the gym.’ 

Betsy didn’t reply, and so Emma continued.

‘Ever since I saw her again, I knew I wanted to try. To try and be with her in whatever capacity, as friends or acquaintances or whatever. But it’s like, the more I try, the more she pushes me away.’ A wave of bitterness passed through her, ‘Am I stupid for even bothering?’

She felt her voice wavering, but she remembered her mantra from the night before.

She would not cry over Alyssa Greene. 

Betsy reached her hand across the table, taking Emma’s hand in her own and squeezing it gently. 

‘Of course you’re not stupid darling. I know how much she meant to you. I know how much you loved her. How much you-‘

Betsy paused and looked Emma directly in the eyes. 

‘How much you _love_ her?’

It was phrased as a question, and Emma hoped to god it was rhetorical. 

She didn’t want to think about love, that’s the one thing she’d forbidden herself from even considering. 

But at the same time, even if her brain was blocking it out, her body sure was responding to something.

Every time Alyssa’s name was mentioned her heart would leap in her chest, and her head would spin, as though she was still a giddy teenager with her first crush.

And she couldn’t stop thinking about that moment in the gym, where she’d made some joke and Alyssa had actually laughed.

Her whole face had lit up and she’d thrown her head back and laughed and Emma, in that moment, knew she was falling again.

Which is why Alyssa walking away hurt so much more.

But really, was it her fault that Alyssa had reacted like that? She’d asked to be friends and Emma hadn’t meant to but Alyssa was so close, and Alyssa still smelled like lavender, and Alyssa was fixing her collar, and Alyssa was all she could see, and then suddenly Alyssa’s lips were all she could see, and she’d been leaning in, and she couldn’t stop and then- 

Oh god. It was definitely her fault. 

She zoned back in to see her grandmother looking at her with a worried look on her face. 

‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘I was just thinking. I think- I think I ruined it. For good this time.’

‘Emma, What-‘

‘I overstepped. She asked to be friends and I overstepped and now she probably doesn’t even want to be near me or see me ever again and if you invite her tomorrow she won’t come because I’ll be there and honestly maybe I won’t even go to the prom because she probably won’t-‘

‘ _Emma_!’

She blinked, her chest heaving. She ducked her head, embarrassed by her sudden spiralling. 

‘Sorry’ she mumbled.

‘I think,’ started Betsy, ‘that you need to talk to her.’

Emma opened her mouth to protest but Betsy wasn’t finished.

‘I know you don’t want to, but Emma, you are adults now. And I know that you want to try and repair things with her. I won’t invite them round tomorrow if you don’t want me to. But please, promise me you’ll at least try.’

‘Okay’ Emma said quietly, her head bowed, staring at her shoes.

‘What was that Emma Nolan?’ 

‘Okay gran.’ She said, louder this time, lifting her head to see a comforting smile on Betsy’s face. ‘I’ll try.’

‘Good,’ replied the older woman, ‘now will you hurry up and finish your pancakes, we’ve got a whole day of errands ahead of us.’

Emma rolled her eyes and picked up her fork again, secretly grateful for her grandma and her errands to help keep her mind off other things.

* * *

A knock at the door startled Alyssa out of her daze. 

She had spent the day sat on the sofa under numerous blankets watching reruns of old game shows and honestly, she was pretty sure her brain had switched off hours ago. 

She was thankful for that, at least. Her brain had been pretty loud over the past few days, and she just wanted one day where she didn’t have to think about a certain blonde, bespectacled lesbian.

She muted the tv and threw the blankets off herself, standing up slowly and stretching her legs.

The knocking came again, this time more urgent, and she hurried into the hallway.

She figured it must be a package for her mom or something. 

What she was not expecting to find when she opened the door was Barry Glickman, dressed in a sequinned bomber jacket, his hand raised as if to knock on the door for a third time. 

‘Oh thank god,’ he began, ‘I thought I was going to have to break this door down, and I’ve just turned down Dee Dee’s offer of insuring my shoulders for $500,000, so that would have been a disaster.’ 

Alyssa just stared, mouth agape. 

This was like a bad dream. First Emma, now Barry. She was half expecting the ghost of Christmas future to pop up next just to make things even worse.

‘Well?’ Said Barry, looking at her expectantly, ‘can I come in, or do I have to use my influence as a one-time Drama Desk Award winner to enter your house by force?’

Alyssa still said nothing, but stepped back to allow him in. 

He walked straight past her and into the living room, stopping abruptly in the threshold and putting a hand to his chest. 

‘My god, this house has your mother written all over it.’ He exclaimed, ‘How is she by the way?’

Alyssa tried to find something to say, but her mouth was dry and the shock of seeing the man in front of her had knocked any words she may have had out of her brain.

Barry fixed her with a look, ‘Alyssa darling, I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, but I feel like someone would have told me if you’d suddenly become a mute.’

Alyssa swallowed and finally opened her mouth to speak. ‘What are you doing here?’ was all she could manage. 

‘You and Emma weren’t the only ones invited back for the prom.’ Barry replied, raising an eyebrow.

_Emma_.

Alyssa felt something stir in her chest. Of course, that’s why Barry was in her house.

‘Look, did Emma send you?’ She began, ‘because if she did, it’s nice to see you and all but-‘ 

‘No honey,’ Barry cut in, ‘she actually begged me not to come when I suggested it, so no, this is not her doing.’

‘So why are you here then?’

Barry sighed, ‘Because, although Emma asked me not come, she did tell me what’s been happening over the past few days.’

‘And what, you’ve come here to tell me how shit I’ve been to her?’ Alyssa retorted, her eyes suddenly burning, ‘well save your energy, because believe me, I already know.’

There was a pause before Barry spoke again, his voice softer than before. ‘I actually came to see if you were okay.’ 

‘Oh’ said Alyssa, her sudden anger dissipating immediately, ‘well, it’s fine...I’m fine.’ 

She knew she was convincing no one, but she hoped it would be enough for Barry to leave her alone. 

Instead, the man fixed her with another stare, this one softer than before.

‘Honey, I don’t want to pry, but just in this room I’m seeing multiple blankets and a rerun of The Price is Right from the early 90s. Those aren’t usually signs of someone being ‘fine’, believe me, I’ve been found in similar situations.’ 

Alyssa sighed and Barry took a step towards her.

‘Look, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I figured that maybe you needed someone to talk to?’

Alyssa’s head snapped up at this, ‘What, so you can go back to Emma and tell her what I said?’ 

Barry raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Number one, rude of you to assume that I can’t keep a secret. I know things about Dee Dee that could end her career.’ At this he gave her a wink, but Alyssa didn’t react. 

‘And secondly,’ he continued, ‘I could’ve walked in here and told you everything that Emma said, but I haven’t.’ 

Alyssa walked over to the sofa and sank down into it, putting her head in her hands. She felt the seat dip next to her, and a gentle hand rubbing her back. 

‘You can trust me,’ Barry said softly, ‘but only if you want to, of course.’ 

‘I do trust you,’ she said eventually, raising her head to look into his eyes, ‘I just- I just don’t even know where to start with what I’m feeling.’ 

Barry pulled back slightly, regarding her closely.

‘Okay,’ he said after a pause, ‘let’s start as we mean to go on. Do you still love her?’ 

Alyssa shot back in her seat at the question, her eyes going wide and her heart thumping in her chest. 

‘I- what- I don’t- how could-‘ she spluttered, the word _love_ racing round and round in her head.

It was way too big of a word, and god, for some reason it scared her so much.

‘Okay, okay,’ Barry cut in, saving her from the anxiety she could feel bubbling in her chest that was threatening to spill over, ‘let’s start smaller. Do you still have feelings for Emma?’ 

‘No!’ She responded automatically, cringing at how robotic her voice sounded. She could at least try and pretend that this wasn’t something she’d been rehearsing for 6 years now. ‘How could I-‘

She cut herself off as her thoughts began to spiral.

_Did_ she still have feelings for Emma? 

And suddenly all she could think about was Emma in the gym the day before. All she could feel was Emma’s body pressed against hers. All she could smell was the vanilla of Emma’s shampoo. All she could see was that look swirling in Emma’s eyes, the way they darted down towards her lips, the way Emma had started to lean in.

She thought about how she’d lain in bed every night since she’d been back, trying desperately not to think of her hazel eyes, or the dusting of freckles on her nose, or how soft her lips would feel on hers. 

She thought about the last time she’d felt anything like this. Probably when she was a teenager, not sure of who she was or what she was feeling, but unable to get those eyes out of her head.

Reality came crashing back down on her as she felt Barry’s hand on her leg, and she was hit with the realisation that-

‘Y-yes, I- I think, maybe, I do.’

A sob escaped her lips as she thought about what that truly meant. And how, really, the only person she wanted to tell this to was the one person she couldn’t. 

She missed Emma so much. And it felt so good to finally admit that to herself.

‘Okay,’ said Barry gently, pulling Alyssa back down to Earth. ‘So, can I ask why you keep pushing her away?’

‘Because,’ she took a deep breath. ‘Because of-‘

She stopped herself before she could blame it on what happened 6 years ago. Because she knew it wasn’t about that anymore. That had been her mistake, and however she had felt then, there was no reason for her to be feeling it now. 

She tried again, ‘because, I guess, I’ve hurt her enough. Because she deserves so much better than me after what happened, and I don’t know how to make her see that. So- so I think it’s better if I let her go.’ 

She stopped and just sat there for a moment, taking in what she had just said, really processing it for the first time. 

It felt like a weight had been lifted, like she could finally see the light at the end of a dark tunnel.

Of course it wasn’t just about how she was feeling. Deep down, she always knew she wanted to protect Emma.

‘Well, that’s very noble of you Alyssa Greene,’ Barry said, ‘but don’t you think, maybe, you should communicate that with Emma?’ 

‘I- I don’t think I can,’ she started, ‘every time I’m near her my emotions just go crazy and I do something stupid that hurts us both. I just- I think it’s best if we just leave it, and then go our separate ways when tomorrow is over.’

Barry looked at her for a moment, ‘Can I show you something?’ he asked, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a black leather wallet with a gold trim. 

Alyssa looked at him quizzically. 

‘And no, I do not mean my excellent taste in wallets.’ 

He opened the wallet and carefully pulled out a photo, handing it over to Alyssa.

When she saw what it was, she gasped.

It was a picture of her, Emma and Barry on prom night, Barry standing behind the two girls beaming like a proud father, one hand on each of their shoulders. Alyssa was smiling into the camera, but Emma, as always, was only looking at her.

‘I’ve never seen this before.’ She muttered, fingering the worn edges of the photo gently. 

‘Yes, well, rather selfishly I wanted just one photo I could keep to myself.’ Replied Barry, ‘believe it or not, this was one of the proudest moments of my life.’ 

Alyssa sniffled quietly.

‘That girl there,’ he continued, tapping his finger on the Alyssa in the picture, ‘hours before this was taken, came out to her mom in front of the entire school. She was so brave.’

Alyssa wiped at a tear that had been slowly making its way down her cheek.

‘And that girl there,’ he said, pointing to Emma, ‘was willing to forgive her for decisions she’d made when she was scared of how she was feeling.’ 

‘But,’ Alyssa began, ‘it was different back then. We- we still loved each other, despite everything that happened.’ 

Barry sighed, ‘Alyssa, honey. I’m not gonna make you say it, but I think you need to have a long think about how you really feel. Because I have my suspicions that how you were feeling then, and how you’re feeling now, aren’t very different feelings at all.’

And suddenly, she found herself throwing herself at Barry, hugging him tightly in an effort to stop more tears from flowing.

The sequins of his jacket dug into her cheek as he patted her back softly, but she didn’t care. She needed this. 

‘But what- but what if it’s too late?’ She mumbled into his shoulder. 

Barry chuckled, ‘Darling, tomorrow night is prom night. Anything can happen.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always count on Uncle Barry.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!! As always, comments are appreciated!
> 
> Come find me over at the-dyad-group on tumblr if you are that way inclined!
> 
> Hopefully shouldn't be too long to wait for the final chapter, so I'll see y'all then!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a phone call, a lake, and an inclusive prom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here it is!!! The final chapter!!!
> 
> Honestly, I've had such a blast writing this, and I hope it lives up to any expectations you might have!
> 
> Nothing else really to say apart from thank you for all your comments and kudos, and I really hope you enjoy the FINAL CHAPTER!

‘Honey, we have to leave in about an hour if we’re going to get to the school on time to set up’ Mrs Greene shouted up the stairs.

‘Okay mom’ Alyssa yelled back, standing on her tiptoes in an attempt to better reach the box at the back of her wardrobe that she’d been trying to get down for the past five minutes.

Finally, her fingertips brushed it and she was able to pull it forward on the shelf, catching it before it could fall.

She took it over to the bed, sitting down and placing it on her lap carefully.

The lid was dusty and she brushed her hand over it, revealing an A and an E written on the top.

Honestly, she had no idea why she had kept it, especially after the break up, but there was something comforting now about holding it in her hands again.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself, and then lifted the lid.

Tears immediately sprang to her eyes as she took in all the mementos she’d kept from her and Emma’s relationship.

There were ticket stubs from when they used to sneak into the movies just as the lights went down, holding hands in the darkness of the back row where no one would see them, and a whole bundles of notes that they used to leave each other in their lockers and textbooks.

She picked up a valentine’s card, staring at the design on the front. It was a simple white card, with an illustration of a jar filled with hearts in the middle. Her heart ached as she traced the outline of the jar. 

She flipped it open and read what was written inside;

‘ _Lyssa,_

_Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you for making my first proper Valentine’s Day so special. I’m so grateful to have you, and I hope that this can be the first of many valentines to come! I can’t even begin to write down how I feel about you, but I think you know that already!!_

_You have my heart, Alyssa Greene._

_Lots of love, today and always,_

_Your super legit boyfriend xxx_

She smiled as she read the last line, remembering how she’d laughed as Emma explained that she didn’t want to sign her name just in case Mrs Greene found it. 

_‘I just- I didn’t want you to get in trouble if your mom saw it. And you’ll always know it was from me- hopefully’_

_‘And my mom isn’t going to be suspicious of my ‘super legit boyfriend’?’_

_‘Oh shit, I didn’t think of that.’_

She shook her head and put the card back, sifting through the rest of the box until she found what she was looking for. 

She picked up the small box carefully and opened the lid, revealing, mostly still intact, a pressing of the flower from her prom corsage. 

A note was tucked into the side of the box and she took it out, careful not to knock any petals off the already delicate flower.

_Gran showed me how to make this. Thought you might like something physical to remember our prom with. Here’s to many more years of dancing together._

_-E_

Tears pooled yet again in her eyes and she blinked them back. 

She closed the box gently and placed it with the rest of the contents in the larger box, standing to put it back in her wardrobe.

She took a minute to breathe, trying and failing to calm the aching in her chest that had only been growing since she’d opened the box.

Then, before she could stop herself, she was grabbing her coat and heading downstairs, closing the door quietly behind her.

* * *

Emma straightened her tie in the mirror, hoping that her attempt at a knot would be okay.

‘Oh god, look at the state of that,’ said Barry as he breezed into the room, decked out in a deep red suit complete with a bow tie. ‘Call yourself a lesbian, you don’t seem to be very good with your hands.’

Emma blushed deeply as he stepped forward and began to redo her tie, a surge of affection rushing through her as he finished and began fussing with her hair. 

‘Thanks dad.’ She joked, not missing the way Barry’s hands stilled and his face softened. 

‘That’s uncle Barry to you, kiddo’ he replied, but she thought she caught a glimpse of his eyes glistening before he turned around to look out of the window.

‘How are you feeling?’ He asked, changing the subject. 

‘About the prom?’ 

‘About everything.’

Emma paused for a moment before answering. ‘Okay, I guess. I um, I don’t really know where I’m standing with...y’know, but I’ll guess we’ll see tonight.’ 

Barry nodded, and before he could push any further, there was the sound of a phone ringing from the hall, followed by Betsy shouting up the stairs.

‘Emma, could you get that?’

‘Jesus Christ,’ Barry exclaimed, ‘is that...is that a home phone? Who even uses those anymore?’ 

‘I do!’ Came the retort from Betsy, and Emma chuckled to herself as she reached the phone. 

‘Hello?’ She said, picking it up.

‘Hel-oh Emma darling is that you?’ Came the reply.

‘Mrs Gree- uh Veronica? Is everything okay?’ 

‘Oh yes, perfectly fine. I was just wondering if you or your grandmother had seen Alyssa anywhere? We’re supposed to be leaving in a second and she’s not here.’

‘Uh, no can’t say I have,’ Emma replied, her heart rate increasing at the mention of Alyssa’s name, ‘have you tried calling her?’

‘Yes, but she’s not answering.’

‘Oh, well, I’ll keep an eye out, I’m sure she’s just gone for a walk somewhere or something.’ 

‘Okay, if you see her can you let her know that I’ve already gone to the school.’ 

‘Of course, sorry I couldn’t be more help.’

‘Not a problem, I’ll see you later honey.’ 

‘Goodbye Veronica.’ 

Emma put the phone down and turned to Barry, who was standing in the doorway doing a bad job at pretending he wasn’t listening. 

‘I mean,’ he began, ‘if I had to pick one other person who would use a home phone, I would’ve picked her. What did she want?’ 

‘She wanted to know if we’d seen Alyssa. She’s not at home and she’s not answering her phone.’ Emma replied, trying not to feel slightly panicked at the fact that Alyssa was technically missing. 

‘Oh, strange.’ Said Barry, suddenly very interested in one of the pictures Betsy had hanging on the wall in the hallway. 

Something clicked in Emma’s head.

‘Barry,’ Emma began, taking a step towards him, ‘you wouldn’t have maybe gone to see Alyssa when I explicitly asked you not to, would you?’ 

Barry straightened his bow tie and smoothed the lapels of his suit. 

‘Honestly, Emma, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.’ 

‘That’ll be a yes then.’ Said Betsy from the kitchen doorway, as Barry rolled his eyes. 

‘Okay, I might’ve done, maybe’

Emma shook her head, panic rising in her chest, ‘I asked you not to! What did you say to her? What did she say to you? Was she upset? Does she hate me?’ 

Barry took a step back, ‘woah there, I’m sworn to secrecy actually, so I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to.’ 

‘Right, brilliant.’ Retorted Emma, worry swirling in her head. She stalked down the hallway and retrieved the keys to the truck.

‘Where are you going?’ Barry asked.

‘To find Alyssa. I need to know if she’s okay.’ She snapped, turning towards the door.

She was about to leave when Barry spoke again.

‘Emma, wait. I just went to see if she was okay, nothing else. I figured maybe she needed someone to talk to. I’m sure she’s alright.’ 

Emma felt the anger dissipate and she looked back at Barry, a forlorn look on his face. 

‘I know,’ she said softly, ‘but I still need to find her. I need to check for myself.’ 

And with that she swung the door open and stepped outside. 

* * *

Alyssa stared out at the lake in front of her, listening to the water lapping gently at the shore. 

She felt, for the first time since she’d arrived back in Edgewater, calm, letting the sounds of the birds and the sight of the sun as it began to set wash over her.

This was the perfect place to come and work out what was going on in her head before she had to face Emma at the prom. 

She had always thought of herself as quite a clear thinker, and after years of rigorous schedules courtesy of her mother, she found that planning in her head always helped her see what she should do next. 

So that’s what she would do. She would sit there and plan what exactly she was going to say to Emma. Easy.

She sighed, staring at the surface of the lake again before taking a stone and throwing it lightly into the water, watching the ripples as they spread out. 

She was about to pick up another rock when a voice behind her made her jump.

‘Y’know, I know that James Madison has a thing about rescheduling proms to different locations at the last minute, but I’m pretty sure that they’re not holding it at the lake this year.’ 

She turned round to see Emma standing behind her. 

Somehow, her heart soared and dropped all at the same time, and the ache that had gradually been fading as she’d sat by the lake returned stronger than ever.

Emma took a step towards her, and she realised that she was already dressed for prom. 

She was in a dark green suit, with a velvet jacket not dissimilar to the navy one she’d worn to their prom. A plain black tie hung round her neck and as Emma took another step, she thought she caught a glimpse of suspenders under her jacket. 

God, she looked good. 

Alyssa’s eyes went wide at the thought she’d let slip into her head, and Emma looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

She realised that she was still yet to say anything, she’d just been staring at Emma for god knows how long, and she felt herself blushing under the other woman’s gaze. 

‘Why are you here?’ She asked eventually, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Emma came to stand beside her, gesturing at the ground. ‘May I?’

Alyssa gave a shy nod, and Emma sat down beside her, leaving a respectful few inches between them, but still close enough that Alyssa could feel her body heat. 

She resisted the urge to shuffle closer.

‘Your mom called me,’ Emma continued, ‘said she didn’t know where you were and you weren’t answering your phone. She said to tell you that she’s gone to the school.’

‘Oh shit,’ said Alyssa, pulling out her phone and registering the time and the 5 missed calls from her mother. ‘God, sorry, I didn’t realise I’d been out here that long.’ 

There was a pause before she continued.

‘Wait, how did you find me?’ She asked, furrowing her brow, ‘and- and why did you even come?’ 

Emma chuckled, ‘C’mon Lys, you know this used to be our spot. You always used to come here when you wanted to think.’

She paused. 

‘And, um, I came because,’ Alyssa could see Emma’s cheeks colouring in the orange of the setting sun, and the other woman fiddled with her glasses nervously, ‘um, well Barry told me that he went to see you yesterday.’ 

Alyssa’s heart dropped. What had Barry told Emma? What if he’d told her everything she’d said? 

Emma, almost sensing her worry, carried on quickly, ‘He, uh, he didn’t say what you guys talked about but I- I figured it was probably about us. And- and it’s the prom tonight and I know that we’ve both been facing a lot of different memories while we’ve been here so, um, so I wanted to see if you were okay.’

She finished and looked away immediately, kicking at a rock that was by her feet. 

Alyssa felt tears springing to her eyes as she gazed at the woman in front of her. She’d been so awful to Emma, and yet, here she was, checking if she was okay.

‘Thank you,’ she said earnestly, ‘I know I’ve been pretty shitty to you over the past week, so I really don’t deserve that.’ 

Emma looked up at her with a sad smile on her face. ‘Of course you do.’ 

There was a beat where they just stared at each other before Alyssa said, ‘I’m sorry. God Em, I’m so so sorry.’ 

She put her head in her hands, trying desperately not to cry, while also not trusting herself to look at Emma.

She felt a shiver run through her body, and before she knew it, Emma’s green jacket was being placed gently over her shoulders, a now familiar smell of vanilla enveloping her.

She felt a warm hand on her back, placed there cautiously as though Emma wasn’t sure if it was okay or not. 

Neither woman said anything, sitting in silence with Alyssa with her head in her hands and Emma with her hand on her back.

Emma cleared her throat. 

‘Close your eyes.’ She said.

‘What?’

‘Close your eyes and hold out your hands.’ 

‘Why?’

‘Just, trust me.’ She paused, ‘Look I promise I’m not gonna run away, or push you in the lake or anything’

Alyssa felt a small smile tug at her lips and she slowly held her hands out in front of her, her eyes closed. 

She felt something cool being placed into her open palms. 

‘Okay’, said Emma softly.

She opened her eyes to see the necklace that Emma had shown her in the mall parking lot. The necklace with the ring on it. 

She looked at Emma, who seemed to be looking anywhere but at her. She saw the other woman swallow thickly. 

‘Em, are you sure?’ She asked, ‘you don’t have to.’

‘No,’ Emma replied, ‘I- I want you to see it. If you want to, of course.’ 

Alyssa gave her a small smile, before bringing her hands closer and picking the ring up. 

It was a simple design, a plain gold band, with a single stone set into the centre. 

It was the stone, however, that caught Alyssa’s attention. 

From far away it looked like a blue colour, but bringing it closer she could see that what she had thought was one block colour was actually two, swirling into one another. 

One side navy blue, and one side purple. 

She felt her breath catch in her throat. 

‘Oh Em, it’s- its,’ she didn’t even know what to say, how to describe the feelings it stirred up inside her.

_It’s our colours._

‘It’s beautiful.’ 

She stared at the ring, mesmerised by it, and her finger itched for her to try it on. She stopped herself. She couldn’t. 

‘Um, please don’t get the wrong idea,’ Emma said nervously, ‘I’m not um, y’know, proposing or anything. I- I know I’ve been kinda creepy enough recently, what with what happened the other day in the gym and-'

‘Em, it’s okay.’ Alyssa said gently. 

And it was okay. Everything in that moment was okay. She suddenly had a feeling of closure. 

She turned back to Emma and carefully passed the necklace back.

‘Thank you for sharing that with me.’ 

Emma stared at her for a minute and then looked down at the ring. 

‘Y’know, it’s funny, I always wondered what I would do if I saw you again. Would I give the ring to you? Would I pretend it never happened? I always thought, I’ll know. I’ll know in the moment what I need to do. And I think I know now.’ 

Alyssa looked at her, confused, as she suddenly stood up. 

‘Em, what are you-‘ 

She cut herself off as Emma suddenly pulled her arm back and launched the ring into the water. It landed with a small splash and quickly disappeared beneath the surface. The water rippled for a second, and then everything was still again. 

Emma turned slowly and sat back down next to Alyssa. 

‘What- why did you do that?’ She found herself asking, too stunned to say anything else. 

‘I- I don’t know.’ Emma began with a sigh, and suddenly Alyssa was overwhelmed with the urge to comfort her. She steeled herself, and then carefully covered Emma’s hand with her own where it sat on the other woman’s knee. 

Emma glanced at her, and Alyssa gave her a small smile in response. She wanted Emma to know that she was there.

Her heart leapt as Emma slowly turned her own her hand round to link her fingers with Alyssa’s, and goosebumps immediately shot up her arm as soon as their palms touched. 

Alyssa fought to keep her face neutral as Emma opened her mouth again to speak. This was about Emma, not her.

‘I think- I think I was always keeping it around as a reminder of you. Sorry, I- I know that’s weird. But, while I had it near me, I could always remember how important you were to me. It was- it was kind of comforting.’ 

She took a deep breath, and Alyssa squeezed her hand. 

‘But now I realise that maybe the whole time it was the cause of all the pain. I mean, it kinda was the cause of the whole break up. And now, now I feel like I’ve kind of got you back. I- I know as only a friend or maybe even less than that, I don’t know, but now you’re back in my life, I don’t need that anymore. Why would I need a reminder of the past when I can see you in my future?’ 

Her eyes went wide, ‘in- in like a friend way or like whatever way you’d like I didn’t mean um-‘

She stopped herself and Alyssa found herself suddenly drawn to her, as if by some invisible force. 

Emma had just said something rambling and confusing and also, possibly, totally romantic, and she couldn’t even begin to process it, because in that moment all she wanted was for Emma to know that she would be there. 

She wanted more than anything for Emma to be in her future too. And it broke her. 

She stared into Emma’s eyes, fear and doubt swirling in the hazel and it was as if something cracked inside her. Something that had been holding all her feelings back had finally given in, and she was really feeling for the first time in 6 years. 

She was finally feeling everything she knew she wanted to be feeling about Emma. 

She wiped a hand over her face. 

‘Em, I- I can’t do this anymore.’

She felt the woman beside her stiffen, and Emma withdrew her hand quickly, shuffling to put space between her and Alyssa, after they had somehow gravitated closer together.

Alyssa immediately missed the warmth. 

Emma’s voice was bitter when she spoke, ‘I know. You’ve spent the whole week telling me that.’ 

‘No!’ Alyssa found herself saying desperately, ‘Emma, please. That’s- that’s not what I meant.’

She reached for Emma’s hand again cautiously, and was surprised when she allowed her to take it. She looked up into Emma’s eyes, and tried to pour everything she was feeling into them, everything she wanted to say but couldn’t.

‘I can’t- I can’t keep pretending that I hate you. I can’t keep pretending that what happened 6 years ago matters anymore.’ 

She paused and looked away from Emma, towards the lake. 

‘I can’t- I can’t keep pretending that I don’t still feel something for you.’ 

There was a silence. She didn’t dare look at Emma. Her words hung in the air between them. 

She couldn’t breathe. 

‘I- what- you’ Emma stammered, and Alyssa suddenly became very aware of how hard the hand that was still clasped in hers was shaking. 

She turned to face Emma, and the sight in front of her broke her heart. 

The other woman was staring at her, tears glistening in her eyes, her mouth slightly open. 

‘Look, Em, I- I know I’ve been awful to you this past week, and- and I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness for anything. But, I spoke to Barry, and I realised that, um, that I need to stop pushing you away. I need to let you make your own decision about me. About how you feel’

Emma looked confused. ‘How- how I feel about you? Lys, I- I thought you hated me. I thought I ruined everything the other day in the gym and that you would never want to speak to me again. I thought I blew the one chance I’d been given with you.’ 

Alyssa laughed, and found herself shuffling closer to Emma, until she was practically on top of her. She looked at Emma briefly, as though asking for permission, before dipping her head and resting her forehead against the other woman’s.

‘Seems like we’ve both been feeling kind of the same thing, huh?’ She said, chuckling despite herself.

‘I guess so, yeah’ replied Emma, with the hint of a smile in her voice. 

And suddenly, Alyssa realised how close they were. 

Seconds earlier, she hadn’t thought anything of putting her forehead against Emma’s but now she realised just what that meant in terms of proximity. 

Her skin suddenly felt hypersensitive; she could feel the tickle of Emma’s curls, the soft, warm skin of her forehead, and the ghost of her breath against her lips. 

She glanced down briefly and met Emma’s eyes. There was that look again, the one she’d come to realise was only reserved for her. And honestly, she was pretty sure that Emma could see exactly the same thing reflected back at her. 

‘Emma, I-‘ she cut herself off as a buzzing filled her ears, and she felt herself being pulled impossibly closer to the woman in front of her. 

‘Lys’ said Emma softly, and goosebumps rose quickly on her arms, the buzzing growing louder. 

And then, almost subconsciously, she felt herself begin to lean in. 

‘Em, can I- can I kiss you?’ She said, her voice no more than a whisper.

The answer came in the form of Emma’s lips against hers, so softly that, to begin with, she thought she had imagined it. 

She leaned into the kiss more, her hand coming up to cup Emma’s cheek, as Emma’s hand found the back of her neck, pulling her closer. 

God, she had forgotten what kissing Emma felt like. 

Sure, she had kissed other woman after Emma, but nothing, and no one, had ever made her feel like this. She was addicted.

Their lips moved together like they’d never been apart, like they remembered everything, like it was only yesterday that they’d kissed for the last time. 

And suddenly, Alyssa felt Emma pull away. She chased her lips, but stopped when she felt a hand on her chest, stopping her. She hoped Emma couldn’t feel how fast her heart was beating. 

Emma was looking at her in awe. 

‘I don’t- sorry, I didn’t mean to stop I just- I wanted to make sure that you’re sure this is what you want.’ Emma began, her voice hoarse and far away, ‘I just- I know that I hurt-‘

She was cut off as Alyssa pulled her in for another kiss, this one harder than the first.

‘Please, stop apologising,’ she mumbled against Emma’s lips before deepening the kiss, sliding her tongue against Emma’s bottom lip before the kiss became all tongues and teeth, each woman grasping desperately at the other.

Alyssa wasn’t sure how long they kept kissing for, it could have been hours, it could have been days. All she knew was that she wanted to kiss Emma Nolan forever. She didn’t know how she’d survived without it. 

Eventually, their kisses became slower and they both pulled away, resting their foreheads against each other while they tried to catch their breath. 

Emma took Alyssa’s hand, bringing it up to her lips in a soft kiss before linking it with her own on her lap. 

Suddenly, her eyes went wide. 

‘Shit, what time is it?’

Alyssa chuckled, fixing Emma’s glasses that were sitting crooked on her nose.

‘I don’t know,’ she said in daze, still not really registering Emma’s words, ‘why?’

She watched as Emma pulled her phone out of her pocket. 

‘Shit, shit, shit. It’s 8. The prom started half an hour ago.’ She said, panic in her voice.

‘So?’

‘ _So_ , I was supposed to be opening it with Unruly Heart.’

‘Oh’ was all Alyssa could say, before she collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Emma stared at her for a moment, before a smile began to creep across her face. 

Before she knew it, both women were laughing, clutching at each other with tears streaming down their cheeks. 

‘Oh god, we really have to get going.’ Said Emma between laughs, standing up and holding out her hand to help Alyssa up. 

'My mom is going to kill me,' Alyssa groaned as she stood, her hand still linked with Emma’s in between them. She shrugged off Emma’s jacket and handed it back to her, the other woman throwing it over one shoulder casually.

Something shifted in Emma’s eyes, and she cleared her throat. It made Alyssa suddenly nervous.

‘Alyssa Greene,’ she said, her voice taking on a more serious tone, ‘would you do me the honour of coming to prom with me?’ 

Alyssa giggled, before stepping forward to place a chaste kiss to Emma’s lips. 

‘Emma Nolan, I would like nothing more.’

Emma grinned at her, before offering her her arm. 

‘Though we might need to stop by my house first.’ Said Alyssa, gesturing to her jeans and T-shirt.

Emma smirked, ‘Oh, what? Your mom wasn’t all for ‘comfy n casual’ as a prom theme?’ 

‘Shut up, you idiot’ Alyssa laughed as she climbed into the passenger side of Emma’s truck. 

Emma shut the door behind her and climbed into the driver’s side, putting the truck in gear. She put her hand down on the centre console cautiously, like she always used to do when she wanted Alyssa to hold her hand, a shy smile on her lips.

Alyssa was more than happy to oblige, lacing their fingers together as they pulled away from the lake and onto the road in the direction of her house. 

* * *

Walking into the high school gym, hand in hand with Alyssa, Emma could have sworn she had stepped back in time. 

Sure, the music was different and the prom decorations weren’t as extravagant as they were for her prom, but Alyssa was beside her and finally everything felt...right. 

She turned to the woman next to her as Alyssa squeezed her hand, taking in simple yet elegant black dress Alyssa was wearing. 

She’d got ready in a hurry, and hadn’t changed much about her hair or makeup, but Emma’s breath had still caught in her throat as she saw Alyssa making her way down the stairs at her house. 

She didn’t think she would ever get over how beautiful she was. 

Alyssa gave her a shy smile and opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off when she noticed Principal Alvarez and her mother making their way across the gym towards them. 

Emma heard her mutter, ‘incoming’ before the two women were standing in front of them, both starting to speak at once. 

‘Emma, thank god you’re here you-‘

‘Alyssa, where have you been I was-‘

‘Sorry!’ Emma cut them both off, ‘I’m so sorry I’m late. Alyssa and I were just, um, working some stuff out.’ 

She saw Mrs Greene glance down at their still linked hands and raise an eyebrow, and she felt her face grow red.

‘Um, not-not like that, I just- thought I knew where Alyssa might be, so I went to find her.’ 

‘And look at that, she did!’ Alyssa backed her up with a nervous laugh. 

‘Right’ Ms. Alvarez seemed unbothered by the unspoken conversation that was happening between the 3 women in front of her, ‘well, will you be ready to go on in about 5 minutes Emma?’ 

It wasn’t really a question, so Emma stuttered out a, ‘sure’, before reluctantly letting go of Alyssa’s hand and making to follow the principal, who was already striding back across the gym. 

‘Wait,’ Alyssa called, grabbing Emma’s hand and spinning her back around. She glanced quickly at her mother, who was still standing watching them with an amused expression on her face.

‘Good luck.’ She said softly, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to Emma’s cheek, which made butterflies erupt in her stomach. 

‘Yeah, cool, sure, okay.’ She stepped back in a daze, a shy smile on her face as she fixed her glasses. ‘Thank you,’ she managed to whisper before she was turning clumsily and walking in the direction of the stage. 

As much as she wanted to spend the whole evening with Alyssa, she was glad to get away from Mrs Greene, and the thousands of questions she was probably firing at her daughter at that exact moment. 

She grabbed her borrowed guitar from the side of the stage, leaning against the wall of the gym and watching Alyssa and her mom with a soft smile on her face. 

To her relief, Mrs Greene seemed to be smiling, and although Alyssa seemed nervous, it appeared that whatever conversation they were having was going well. 

She felt someone sidle up beside her and caught sight of the red of Barry’s suit out the corner of her eye. 

‘Gosh Emma,’ he began, ‘I know you have a thing for Alyssa, but if you keep staring at her mother like that people might get the wrong idea.’ 

She rolled her eyes and swatted at his arm playfully. 

‘I believe there might be a “thank you uncle Barry” in order?’

‘Shut up,’ groaned Emma, feeling her cheeks grow red again. ‘I still don’t forgive you for going to talk to her when I asked you not to.’ 

‘Whatever’, Barry retorted, ‘what I said must’ve worked, huh? Or were you guys just holding hands for fun?’ 

‘Can’t you go and make fun of Trent or something instead?’ Emma pleaded.

She was saved from a sarcastic response by Ms. Alvarez suddenly pulling her up on stage, her hand tightly round her arm as though she might bolt at the last minute. 

And honestly, looking at all the faces in the gym who were now looking at her, she wished she could. 

She felt herself begin to panic until her eyes met Alyssa’s in the crowd. She was standing at the back, leaning against the wall on her own, but she was all that Emma could see, and the gentle smile on her face made Emma’s heart soar. 

She remembered, years and years ago, telling herself that she would do whatever it took to keep seeing a smile on Alyssa Greene’s face. And really, if it took a break up, 6 years apart, and a performance at a high school prom to bring it back, it had all been worth it. 

A round of applause from the gathering crowd brought her back to reality, and she realised she hadn’t been listening to a word the principal had said. The principal who was now gesturing at her. 

‘Uh, should I- do I say something?’ She asked, fiddling with the strap of the guitar nervously. 

Ms. Alvarez made a noncommittal gesture, which Emma had absolutely no idea how to interpret. She locked eyes with Alyssa again, and cleared her throat.

‘Okay, um hi everyone, I’m Emma, but uh you probably all know that by now. You all know the story but, um, this is a song I wrote just before my prom, and it means a lot to me.’

She caught sight of Kira in the crowd, waving madly at her.

‘I hope those of you here who are struggling, or questioning, or coming to terms with yourself, can find something in this song that helps you out.’

She fixed her glasses nervously.

‘Anyway, um, here goes I guess. I would like to dedicate this song to someone who, uh, until very recently I thought I’d lost, but now has shown me that- that love is always worth fighting for. Kinda like how it says in the song- well not really but-um, never mind, I’ll stop talking now.’ 

She saw Alyssa shaking her head, before giving her a small nod, not unlike the one she’d given her a few days earlier before her speech. That felt like years ago now. 

She focused down onto her guitar, placing her fingers for the first chord, before strumming down and beginning to sing.

From there it became like muscle memory, the chords flowing easily and the words coming to her like she’d just written them.

Her mind wandered as she looked out into the crowd, making sure to focus all of her attention on Alyssa as she got to the verse that they both knew was written about her.

To her surprise, she saw Alyssa mouthing the words back at her, a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her lips. Emma was stunned at how easy it was to fall back in love with Alyssa Greene.

Though, if she was honest, she wasn’t sure she’d ever fallen out of it. 

The song came to an end to huge applause, Barry whooping from the side of the stage. 

Emma gave an awkward wave and a thank you, and then left the stage, placing the guitar down gently against the wall. 

As she turned to find Alyssa, she spotted Kira making her way towards her, another girl in tow. 

As they got closer, she realised that the two were holding hands, and she couldn’t help the fond smile that played on her lips.

‘Emma!’ Kira exclaimed when she got closer, ‘That was amazing! You killed it!’

‘Thanks,’ Emma replied, running a hand through her hair, ‘glad you enjoyed.’ 

She looked expectantly between Kira and the other girl.

‘Oh, um, this is Ashley’ she said, motioning towards the other girl who gave Emma a quick wave, ‘she’s- shes, um, my date.’ 

Emma smiled, ‘So she finally plucked up the courage to ask you, huh?’ She directed at Ashley.

The girl giggled and looked back at Kira in a way that Emma recognised all too well. She’d been looked at like that enough times by a certain someone to understand what it meant.

She grinned at the girls in front of her. 

‘Hey!’ Came a voice from beside her, and she felt a warm hand linking with hers, before turning to see Alyssa standing next to her. ‘You were great!’

‘Oh, hey Kira.’ Alyssa continued, noticing the two girls standing in front of Emma, ‘how are you doing?’

‘Hey Alyssa!’ Kira beamed, ‘I’m great, thanks!’

‘Wait, you two know each other?’ Emma interjected.

‘Well, yeah. Kaylee’s her aunt, and I’ve met her a few times when I’ve been over to visit her and Shelby.’ Alyssa furrowed her brow. ‘How do you know each other?’

‘Emma gave me some advice the other day in the park!’ Kira chimed in, and Emma blushed.

‘I promise you it wasn’t as weird as she just made it sound.’ She countered.

‘We’re gonna go dance,’ said Kira, clearly bored by the conversation, swinging her and Ashley’s linked hands between them, ‘but aunt Kaylee and aunt Shelby told me to say hey from them if I saw you Alyssa.’ 

‘Tell them I said hey back, and sorry I couldn’t make it over to see them this time’ Alyssa replied, smiling as both girls walked away into the crowd of bodies that had formed on the dance floor. 

Emma turned to Alyssa, confused, ‘I keep hearing stuff about Kaylee and Shelby as if they’re-‘ 

Alyssa cut her off with a laugh, ‘Wow, there really is a lot that’s happened in the past 6 years that I need to fill you in on!’ 

‘I guess so’ Emma replied with a laugh of her own.

In that moment the lighting changed, and a slower song began to boom out over the speakers. 

She heard Trent’s voice over the PA, ‘This one goes out to all the lovers out there’ he yelled, elongating the o in lovers. 

Swallowing nervously, Emma turned to Alyssa and took her other hand. 

‘Alyssa’, she began.

‘Emma’, Alyssa replied, pushing a stray curl behind Emma’s ear. Emma could practically feel herself melting.

‘Dance with me?’ It came out as more of a statement than a question, and she could hear her voice wavering nervously as she said it, but the dazzling smile that spread across Alyssa’s face was more than worth it.

‘I’d love to.’ 

And so, as some new ballad that Emma could have written 10 times better played through the gym, Emma led Alyssa to the dancefloor. 

Alyssa placed her hands round Emma’s shoulders, as Emma placed hers gently on Alyssa’s waist, and they swayed together slowly. 

Emma gazed into Alyssa’s eyes and finally, reflected there, saw the Alyssa that she’d been searching for the whole time. 

Gone were the walls, the hardened stares, the robotic answers, the fear of letting anyone in. And in their place, a look so mesmerising that Emma found herself being drawn closer without even meaning it. 

They melted into each other, bodies flush together. Emma could feel the rise and fall of Alyssa’s chest against hers, as the other woman rested her head on her shoulder. 

‘I’ve missed this’, Emma found herself whispering, so quietly she wasn’t even sure if Alyssa had heard her. 

‘I’ve missed you’ Alyssa replied without hesitation, and Emma felt the final cracks in her heart beginning to mend. 

‘Please don’t do that to me again, Lys.’ She asked gently.

Alyssa pulled away at this, holding Emma at arm’s length and looking earnestly into her eyes. 

‘Em, I- I’m so sorry for what happened. But, I promise you, you’re gonna have to try a lot harder this time to get rid of me.’ 

‘This time?’, Emma’s heart leapt in her chest at Alyssa’s suggestion. 

Alyssa grew bashful, ‘if- if you want there to be a this time. I- I would like there to be a this time.’ 

Emma felt tears spring to her eyes and all she could do in response was pull Alyssa in, kissing her gently. 

They’d look back fondly on this moment in weeks to come, when Barry would send over a framed photo to Emma with a note reading ‘ _Uncle Barry saves the day again’_.

On the top, a picture of them kissing at the first prom, young and giddy, finally being able to be themselves in public, their whole futures ahead of them. And on the bottom, another picture of them, 10 years older, with hearts that were mending, but standing and kissing in the same spot under the kaleidoscope of lights in the gym.

~

‘So’ Emma said, her head in Alyssa’s lap as they both sat in the back of her truck in the empty school parking lot. ‘What happens now?’ 

Alyssa hummed under her breath, dragging her fingers carefully through Emma’s hair as she thought.

‘What do you want to happen?’ 

The question took Emma by surprise. Sure, she’d posed the question herself, but she hadn’t thought any further about it. 

‘I suppose- I’m not sure.’ She began, ‘I would like to go back to New York and, well, give us another go.’ 

Alyssa smiled down at her, ‘Me too’, she replied, placing a gentle kiss on Emma’s forehead. 

They were both silent for a minute, Alyssa continuing to hum lightly as she stroked Emma’s hair. 

‘Hey, what time is your flight tomorrow?’ She asked.

‘Uh, 3ish I think? Why?’ 

‘Mines at 5.’ Alyssa paused. ‘How about we start as we mean to go on then.’ 

She removed her hand from Emma’s hair, and Emma sat up, confused.

‘Meaning?’

‘Meaning, Emma Nolan, would you like to go on an airport date with me tomorrow?’ 

‘An airport date?’ 

‘I hear they have an excellent Starbucks’ 

Emma laughed, pretending to think for a minute, ‘Um, yeah I guess I could fit you in somewhere. Let me just check my diary.’ She said, pulling an imaginary diary out of her suit jacket. 

Alyssa hit her lightly on the arm, ‘Shut up’. 

‘Oh, yep, looks like I’ve got a slot from around 1.30 for an hour if that works for you.’ 

‘Actually, you know what, I’ve changed my mind-‘

‘There’s no take backs on a date offer’ 

‘Says who?’ 

‘Says me!’ 

And then, Alyssa was throwing back her head and laughing. 

Emma chuckled too, but soon just sat staring, mesmerised by the woman in front of her.

She smiled and then bit her lip, shaking her head as she watched.

‘What?’ Alyssa asked, raising her eyebrow.

‘Nothing.’ Replied Emma, bringing Alyssa’s hand up to her lips and kissing it gently. 

Because really, what could she say? She didn’t know how to begin describing how she was feeling. 

But she did know one thing; if falling in love with Alyssa Greene for the first time felt good, then falling in love with her the second time felt like pure magic.

* * *

***10 years later***

‘Sorry, Emma?’ The principal gestured wildly at her from the door, ‘we’re going to make a start in about 5 minutes if that okay with you?’ 

‘Okay, cool’ she replied, covering her phone with her hand.

‘Sorry about that honey, where were we?’ She said, lifting the phone back up to her ear, ‘Yeah, I miss you too!...Okay, well I gotta go now, but I’ll call you later okay?...Okay, love you, bye’ 

She hung up, smiling as she slid the phone back into her pocket. 

‘Was that Erin?’ Betsy called from the door.

‘Gran, what are you doing here?’ Emma asked, hurrying to carry a chair over for Betsy as she stepped into the empty classroom.

‘I was just coming to see how you’re feeling.’ She replied, ‘how is she?’

‘Yeah, she’s good, I think. I miss her.’ She said, a sad smile on her face.

‘I’m sure she’ll be fine, you’ll see her soon.’ Betsy said kindly.

‘That’s if she survives the week with the amount of ice cream Dee Dee is surely feeding her,’ came a voice from the door, ‘Remind me again why we thought it was a good idea to leave our daughter with someone who last week told me that she thought a cup of coffee cost “at least $20”’

Emma felt arms wrap around her waist and a light kiss on her shoulder, as she turned around to find Alyssa smiling up at her. 

‘I think she just likes to pretend she’s all famous and out of touch, when really, it’s just that Mr Hawkins does all her shopping for her’ Emma replied with a laugh, brushing a stray hair out of Alyssa’s eyes, ‘and Erin loves her auntie Dee Dee’ 

Alyssa hummed, reaching up to press a soft kiss to Emma’s lips. 

‘That’s because the only thing she feeds her is ice cream!’ she replied, ‘But, I guess It’s been nice to have some alone time anyway,’ she said with a wink, her voice low. 

‘I’m still here, you know!’ Sighed Betsy. 

Both women just laughed.

Any other response was drowned out by the sound of applause from the gym, and Emma grabbed Alyssa’s hand and lead her into the corridor. They could hear the principal’s voice drifting through the doors to the gym.

‘-the 20th anniversary of James Madison’s Inclusive Prom. And it gives me great pleasure to welcome back a real JMH success story, and really, the reason we’re here today celebrating yet another prom for everyone. So please, everyone give it up for James Madison alumni, Emma and Alyssa Nolan-Greene’

Emma turned to Alyssa and grinned. ‘You ready?’ 

In return, Alyssa gave her a quick nod, before joining their hands and leaning in to give Emma a quick peck on the cheek. 

‘As I’ll ever be.’ 

And with that, they threw open the doors to the gym and walked inside, hand in hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it! I hope you guys enjoyed!!!
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought in the comments, I'm super interested to hear what you guys think!!
> 
> Anyways, its been real guys, thanks for joining me on this journey. I'll see you around xoxo


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